One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox?
–R Train
Overheard by: Ferna
Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven't been home since the show. Doesn't that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself)
–McCarren Park
Overheard by: AleKatz
Woman on cell: It smells like college!
–BrewFest, South Street Seaport
Office student: It literally smells like my ass.
–CCNY Computer Lab
Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties.
–Q Train
Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn't mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn't smell. It didn't smell like anything.
–Union Square
Overheard by: who are these people?
Archive for the ‘City College’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners– IQ: 180 Social Skills: -57
Professor: Why do people take drugs? Because their lives suck. That's right…all of you.
–Manhattan College
Chemistry professor, discussing quantum physics: If you beat on something hard enough, you can get it to do what you want!
–St. John's University, New York City
Property professor, after playing Barbra Streisand's version of "Not While I'm Around": Now, is that the same song as Steven Sondheim's version in Sweeney Todd?? (dreamily) Well, when Barbra Streisand does a song…is it ever the same song?
–St. John's Law School
Overheard by: Cori
Professor: If Obama wins the election, I'll buy you all beer.
–The Cooper Union
Professor: So the way Saint Augustine broke the Lord's commandment not to steal (nobody in class is listening) Was all just his way of honoring the Lord's law, by creating his own. It's sort of like when you have a child that's not allowed to stay up past nine but he knows his parents can stay up as late as they want, so in an act of rebellion he smears his shit all over the walls.
–NYU
Professor: Now, for your presentations, there is a time limit. If you go over nine minutes, I will cut you. (silent pause) …off.
–City College of New York
Ask a Stupid Question…
Professor: So what do you think of when you think of “paternalism”? Anyone?
Student: “Maury”?
–City College
Overheard by: lilli
Wednesday One-Liners Call the Hotline Every Week
Teen girl, despairingly: If they ever find out a way to bring people back to life, I’m going to kill myself!
–14th St Subway Platform
Overheard by: yoncto
Blonde on cell: Don’t send me stupid things about how you want to stab yourself in the heart. It’s inconsiderate.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Hipster: I’m so stressed out right now; if I was going to NYU, I would’ve jumped out of a building.
–City College
Overheard by: Damn Right!
Guy on cell: You took them with alcohol? [Pause.] Wait, let me get this straight, you took all of them, then you got drunk? Yeah dude, that is just suicide.
–Elevator, Saks Fifth Ave
Old waitress: Were you here the time Jimmy crucified himself?
–Manhattan Restaurant, Greenpoint
Overheard by: chris
Disgruntled Latina to friend: And I told her bitch: "Kill yourself, you don’t even know how to smoke right!"
–4 Train
But I’m Not at All Happy with These Glasses
Chick: I like your grandma.
Guy: He’s a dude.
Chick: Oh… I like your grandpa.
–City College
Overheard by: Low Quality pictures online
Half-Credit for Originality
High school guy: Why they called us ‘niggers’? They wake up and say, ‘We callin ‘em ‘niggers’ from now on!’ or something?
High school girl: No, idiot, ’cause they got us from the Nigger River in Africa.
–CCNY, 135th Convent Ave
Overheard by: APR 04 Alum
A Necessary Condition for Entering Adult Life
Student, indicating lab equipment: Is this broken?
Russian professor: No. Nothing is broken, except my heart.
–Physics lab, City College of New York
Overheard by: Yehuda
And in a Few Years, Maybe You’ll Have a Little Addition
Bimbette #1: I hate Chapter Three! Why do we have to do Chapter Three?!
Bimbette #2: No way! I love Chapter Three!
Professor: Then why don’t you marry it?
–Algebra class, City College
Overheard by: maybe she will
365 Days of Naked Jesus
Genetics professor: So, you know, Mendel’s pea plants didn’t just grow all in one night.
Student: So what did he do while the plants grew?
Genetics professor: Hmmm, who knows? Look at porn?
–City College
It’s a Cultural Thing
College student #1: You look tired, what have you been doing?
College student #2: I’ve just been jogging.
College student #1: Like that? Why do Chinese people always go jogging in jeans?
–Marshak Hall, City College
Overheard by: liselle boyett