Archive for the ‘Classroom’ Category

Scarlett Johansson's Wearing Wednesday One-Liners This Season

(Asian tourist walks onto subway with large panda-head shaped hat)
Random guy: Take off that silly ass hat! –Uptown 1 Train Guy: When I wear my other coat, I look like a yak. –Mott St Overheard by: robin Thug to friend: I totally know fashion designers. I know who Hill-finger is. –Thompson Street, SoHo Drunk guy to orthodox Jew: Nice lid. –Near Herald Square Guy walking out of subway: Then she came in and told me to put the mask on. –6 Train Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Now, if you want a decent straw hat, do not make one. –Millennium High School Overheard by: Adriana

Just a Little Bit Of Wednesday One-Liner Repeating

Mother to child in front of diorama of pilgrims and Native Americans: Well, that's because the Indians never met real people before. –Museum of Natural History Overheard by: Peter R. Young girl, arriving through train tunnel at Grand Central Station: I wonder if Harriet Tubman is down here. –Grand Central Station Airhead: I think like… Colonialization is like… The umbrella theme of, like… Diplomacy. –Pommes Frites History teacher, about Andrew Jackson: He tight, he kill mad people, he buggin'. –High School Teacher, discussing Thomas Jefferson's mistress: You see, guys? History is exciting! It's full of sex! –High School, Lower Manhattan Overheard by: SzN31

Bill Cosby Started Out the Same Way

Girl #1: Oh, I like your sweater!
Girl #2: Oh, thanks, my mom gave it to me. You know it's funny, she gave it to me a few months ago because she said New York winters are cold and I have nothing that's wool. I was like, “Mom, you cannot seriously expect me to wear this for real.” Last week I wore it as a joke, but then everyone was like “That sweater is so cool!” so now this time I'm wearing it for real.
Girl #2: Good decision. –Classroom, Fordham University Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Wednesday One-Liners Will Swallow for Diamonds

Mother to five-year-old daughter: That's why she's a very smart woman. She married a very rich man for exactly that reason. –University Place &10th St Overheard by: evanescent Homeless man to little boy with parents: Ask your mama why she marry your daddy. She'll tell you it was for the money. –Statue of Liberty Sorority girl to another: So like, do you think Brad makes good investments? –53rd & 1st Asian girl on cell: It's like I have a sign that says "trophy wife" written across my forehead, and then they find out I'm 22 and the sign is suddenly in neon. –Tribeca Girl on cell: No, you remember, I'm going to be a gold-digger! It's like a hooker, but smarter. –NYU Classroom

What's “Wednesday One-Liner,” Anyway?

Earnest sidewalk pollster: Sir? Have you got a minute to talk about the sanitation department? Do you think it's normal? –51st St & Lexington Overheard by: jake-e Conductor, bending down before fainted man: C'mon! Dude! What did I tell you before? Get up and sit down and pass out in the seat like regular normal people. People think you're dead. Get up. –Uptown 6 Train Overheard by: I guess not a normal person Girl, during History of Islam class: Miracles show us what's normal and what's, like, super above normal. –Hunter College Woman, bending down to adjust child: You have to walk normally now–like a normal person. –Museum of Natural History Nerd guy to friend: It wouldn't be child labor. You just hook them up to electrodes, connect them to the the power grid, and have them play on the playground like normal! –Shuttle to Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Need a Better Bedside Manner

Guy: I can’t wait ’til I am finished with med school and I can start working as pediatric gynecologist. –Class, W4th & Mercer Girl watching another use eye drops: Do you need some help with that? I’m pre-med. I’m qualified. –Butler Library bathroom, Columbia University Overheard by: dr. getoffyourhighhorse Girl patient: Oh my god. The cute doctor just took my urine sample. He walked over and asked me for it. God, it’s like, ‘I gave her my heart, she gave me… her urine sample.’ Should we give him my number? –Beth Israel Medical Center Chick on cell: Yeah, the doctor stuck his finger up my ass because I can’t shit… Yeah, it hurt. Any ideas I’ve entertained about anal sex are gone. –12th Ave & Bay Ridge Pkwy, Brooklyn Overheard by: What the… Homeless guy: If you need a gyno doctor, my office is in the box around the corner. –Lexington subway station