Archive for the ‘Classroom’ Category

Professor: “Did You Bring Enough for the Whole Class?”

Professor to couple making out during lecture: Excuse me, what do you think you're doing?
Guy: Oh sorry, one of our friends bet us 50 bucks we wouldn't make out during a lecture.
Guy in front of him to his girlfriend: We have got to get in on that!

–Fordham University

Wednesday One-Liners in Elbow-Patch Blazers

Professor: So I told my grad students they could have an A if they earned it, or if they beat me in a 12-minute cage fight.

–Fordham Universityy

Israeli politics professor, after class: There's enough Tylenol out there to take care of your hangovers after Purim. So, all your sorry little asses better be in this class at three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon.

–Yeshiva University

English professor: Yeah, the end of the poem relates to the beginning. Every good poem has a return… just like a good walk.

–Hunter college

Professor: Of course there was marital harmony! As we all know, the family who cuts drugs together, stays together.

–Fordham Law School

Overheard by: EntertainedStudent

Professor: An example of synecdoche would be, "get your ass over here." You want all of them, not just their ass. But sometimes, you do just want their ass. And we all know how that goes. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in a classroom… usually.

–NYU

Overheard by: queenofscots

White People Wish They Were Wednesday One-Liners

Black man passing out leaflets: And this woman here, you know she'd love to have a big black cock in her. Don't deny it, baby, you would.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: unimpressed and skeptical

Girl to friend, unknowingly a few feet away from black guy: Thank god there's no black people on this street.

–Steinway St

Black TA, walking in five minutes before class: Oh my god, am I early? Oh, no! I'm going against my people's stereotype!

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: kpan

Asian guy to another, loudly: The black girl doesn't sound black. How do they do that?

–Uptown W Train

Queer to another: So I want to get dreadlocks, like black people.

–W 14th & 6th

Black lady to staring white kid: That's right little boy, this is what a black person looks like.

–Outside Toys R' Us, Times Square

I Don't Follow…

Student giving presentation: The angel statue on his grave actually had male genitalia on it, but the cemetery keepers broke it off and used it as a paperweight.
Dumb student: Where on the statue was the genitalia?
Student giving presentation, after long pause: In the same place as male genitalia on a body?

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: You've got to be kidding me

Oh, Get Your Mind Out Of the Wednesday One-Liner!

Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear.

–Q44 Bus

Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth

Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it.

–CUNY Law School

Overheard by: That's what she said

Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube.

–Stuyvesant High School

Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe!

–Houston St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: ian has a face

Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort!

–72nd & 2nd

Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then?

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: Frenchie

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Household Name

English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent!

–English Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?"

–126 Bus

Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Jas

Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr.

–Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn

Overheard by: LP

Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt.

–Restaurant Row

Overheard by: Al-master

Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Helena

There's a Thin Line Between Love and Wednesday One-Liners

Professor: I hate that bitch so much, I will give you all As for this semester if you sabotage her class.

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: queenofscots

Four-year-old boy to mom holding up newspaper clipping of female model: I can't use this, I hate women!

–Union Square

Overheard by: amused

Little blonde girl sitting at table with parents: I hate everyone!

–48th St & 30th Ave

Overheard by: kteezy

Loud girl to man at the counter: Hey, what are you looking at me like that for? (man at the counter shakes head) You know damn well what I am talking about…I love you too. (pause) Nawwww, just kidding…I hate your stinky ass.

–Deli, Nostrand Ave & Kings Highway

Small boy, gleefully: I hate Joe the plumber. Joe, Joe, Joe…I hate Joe.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: me too…

What's “Wednesday One-Liner,” Anyway?

Earnest sidewalk pollster: Sir? Have you got a minute to talk about the sanitation department? Do you think it's normal?

–51st St & Lexington

Overheard by: jake-e

Conductor, bending down before fainted man: C'mon! Dude! What did I tell you before? Get up and sit down and pass out in the seat like regular normal people. People think you're dead. Get up.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: I guess not a normal person

Girl, during History of Islam class: Miracles show us what's normal and what's, like, super above normal.

–Hunter College

Woman, bending down to adjust child: You have to walk normally now–like a normal person.

–Museum of Natural History

Nerd guy to friend: It wouldn't be child labor. You just hook them up to electrodes, connect them to the the power grid, and have them play on the playground like normal!

–Shuttle to Times Square