Archive for the ‘Classroom’ Category

Just a Little Bit Of Wednesday One-Liner Repeating

Mother to child in front of diorama of pilgrims and Native Americans: Well, that's because the Indians never met real people before. –Museum of Natural History Overheard by: Peter R. Young girl, arriving through train tunnel at Grand Central Station: I wonder if Harriet Tubman is down here. –Grand Central Station Airhead: I think like… Colonialization is like… The umbrella theme of, like… Diplomacy. –Pommes Frites History teacher, about Andrew Jackson: He tight, he kill mad people, he buggin'. –High School Teacher, discussing Thomas Jefferson's mistress: You see, guys? History is exciting! It's full of sex! –High School, Lower Manhattan Overheard by: SzN31

Wednesday One-Liners: “Is This Thing On?”

PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front. –Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th Overheard by: Rebecca Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o'clock! –Baggage Claim, JFK Overheard by: Kimmie Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully-cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They're hot! They're fresh! And they were alive this morning! –Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Stacy Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I'm sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they're about to tow your truck. –Stuyvesant High School Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean "flag football" will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory. –East Side Community High School

Wednesday One-Liners in Elbow-Patch Blazers

Professor: So I told my grad students they could have an A if they earned it, or if they beat me in a 12-minute cage fight. –Fordham Universityy Israeli politics professor, after class: There's enough Tylenol out there to take care of your hangovers after Purim. So, all your sorry little asses better be in this class at three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon. –Yeshiva University English professor: Yeah, the end of the poem relates to the beginning. Every good poem has a return… just like a good walk. –Hunter college Professor: Of course there was marital harmony! As we all know, the family who cuts drugs together, stays together. –Fordham Law School Overheard by: EntertainedStudent Professor: An example of synecdoche would be, "get your ass over here." You want all of them, not just their ass. But sometimes, you do just want their ass. And we all know how that goes. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in a classroom… usually. –NYU Overheard by: queenofscots

The Teachings Of Wednesday One-Liners

Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking. –New School University Overheard by: Evan Gilmer Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better! –Barnard College Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important. –Pratt Institute Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy? –Classroom, Hunter College Overheard by: Rara Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that? –94th St & Broadway Overheard by: DI Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance? –Tisch School of the Arts Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Wednesday One-Liners Bypass the Language Center Of the Brain

Cosmetology teacher: We do not do sterilization in this class. That is what they do in a medical lavatory. –Cosmetology Class, Astoria Overheard by: Kelsey Fat black teen shoving past white couple: I like how they ain't know how a say "excuse me." –Wilson ave, Bushwick Xerox repairman on cell: Yo, you sound like John Lecoozigamo! He's a comedian. Le-cooz-I-ga-mo. –132nd St & Cypress Overheard by: office drone Middle-aged mother with thick Staten Island accent on cell: Ronny, where are you?! We are standing outside and we are freezing the children! –New York City Transit Museum, Brooklyn Indignant thug to thugette: I told her we wasn't together. How did she know I'm with you? Did you tell her differentwise? –Q20 Bus Overheard by: Liza

A Feminist Critique Of Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: Was she a gymnast, or a feminist? –Café, 113th & Amsterdam Overheard by: Ladle Anthropology professor: Everyone's a misogynist. Women attend seminars, "seminar" comes from the word "semen," which comes from the Latin for "a unit of knowledge." And this, my friends, is how women get smart. –Classroom, NYU Overheard by: thats how I got into NYU Rambling man: Nobody's gonna be in charge anymore! (pause) Except the ladies. –Rivington & Forsyth

You There in the Back Row — This Means You.

Student, referring to pinus: Wait, does that actually mean “penis”?
Latin teacher: No. But once I made a joke about penises in a paper in college and my teacher wrote, “never do this”.
(class laughs)
Latin teacher: So guys, don't play with your penises! –Bard High School Early College Overheard by: Theseus