Professor: Once I was in the kitchen with a friend who was cooking, who had messed something up and I made a chemical suggestion to help her fix it. It worked. I ended up marrying her.
Whole class: Awwww!
Professor: We ended up getting divorced.
Professor: I am married again! (shows ring finger)
–NYU Building
Archive for the ‘Classroom’ Category
Watching Organic and Inorganic Chemists Dance-Fight Like the Sharks and the Jets
Professor, rolling up a blackboard to reveal a second blackboard that is covered in general chemistry: Oh god! Oh god…get it off! Ew!
(class laughs)
Professor: No, not the ideal gas law! We don't need that, we're organic chemists! There is no such thing as gas! No such thing as gas!
Student #1: Organic chemists are very sensitive.
Student #2: This is kind of tragic.
–Organic Chem Class, Barnard
Overheard by: Vicksburg
As It Clearly States in Joss Whedon's Version Of the Bible
Professor: Does anyone know where the term “Passover” comes from?
Student: It's because the Jews put blood on their doors so Jesus would pass over their house and not kill the first-born son.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: dundun
Or, As I Like to Call It, a “Circle Of Joy”…Why Are You Laughing?
Student #1, commenting on hole in graph: Is it a black hole?
Student #2, sarcastically: No, a red hole.
Teacher, writing on brown blackboard: It's a brown hole.
(class bursts into laughter)
–Math Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Those Who Can't Do, Wednesday One-Liner
Anthropology prof: Amish youth in Pennsylvania have the opportunity to go out and experience mainstream society for a period of time before deciding whether or not to leave Amish society. An overwhelming amount decide to return to Amish society. That really tells you something about the cohesiveness of this religious sect! (pause) Then again, maybe it's just because Philadelphia is the city they all go out into.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Professor: You still need to lubricate anything that's sliding in and out.
–The Cooper Union
NYU prof: I have an aunt who is 105, and she just keeps on living. I just want to tell her, "you don't need to live for-fucking-ever. Die already, you have no quality of life!
–NYU
Columbia professor (to teaching assistant): You know, I've been teaching this stuff so long, I almost believe it.
–Classroom, Columbia University
Professor: I hope that Freud reading gave you a rise. I didn't just say that.
–NYU
Overheard by: Yeah. It did.
Scarlett Johansson's Wearing Wednesday One-Liners This Season
(Asian tourist walks onto subway with large panda-head shaped hat)
Random guy: Take off that silly ass hat!
–Uptown 1 Train
Guy: When I wear my other coat, I look like a yak.
–Mott St
Overheard by: robin
Thug to friend: I totally know fashion designers. I know who Hill-finger is.
–Thompson Street, SoHo
Drunk guy to orthodox Jew: Nice lid.
–Near Herald Square
Guy walking out of subway: Then she came in and told me to put the mask on.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Sarah
History teacher to class: Now, if you want a decent straw hat, do not make one.
–Millennium High School
Overheard by: Adriana
Or So I've Read in the Encyclopedia Entry on “Sex”
Student #1: Well, one reason that we see a lot of tongues in Japanese monster culture might be because of an inherent aversion to bodily fluids! Like I heard Japanese people take showers before and after sex.
Student #2: Plus, in Hentai there's always way more fluids in the sex scenes than there really should be.
Student #3: Besides, there's a lot of tongue use in sex.
Professor: Well, why do you suppose that is?
Student #3: Because you like, lick stuff! Jeez!
–East Asian Studies Class, Columbia University
Overheard by: Vicksburg
The Passion Of the Wednesday One-Liner
Art humanities professor: As you may have learned from the bible or emo music, Jesus was crucified.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Molly Moo
Suit to another: Wow, there used to be a forest on your head. You look like an Irish Jesus.
–Office Building, 8th Ave
Overheard by: sitting in my cube with my ears wide open
Chick in miniskirt and fishnets: Fuck, it's cold! Jesus forgot to pay his heating bill!
–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Amber Star
Man to friend as they cross an intersection: Jesus Christ used to walk everywhere, so why can't we? You know whah-I'm-sayin'?
–Midtown
Overheard by: Ferna
Screaming fan girl, watching Robert Patterson sparkling shirtless in the sunlight: He's Jesus!
–14th St Regal Cinemas
Overheard by: laughing despite herself
Asian chick: Does he praise Jesus? Does he drink Scotch?
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Shringle
It's More Of a Door Than a Mask
Professor: Do you ever feel that you have a mask you put up for society, and one that is only for you?
Female student: Well…to everybody else, I seem really sociable and outgoing, but what they don't know is that I'd rather just spend a long time inside myself.
–NYU Classroom
Overheard by: queenofscots
Wednesday One-Liners Just Got Off the Boat– Again
Puerto Rican guy to another: Out of all the continents, Staten Island is the craziest.
–Spring St b/w Mott & Elizabeth
Overheard by: Jack D
Girl to guy: I can't wait to be a Staten Islander.
–28th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Jennifer
Suit on cell: I take the Staten Island ferry because it's like a free cruise.
–60th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Mike
Ferry announcer: Please follow the signs posted for your assistance, and please see uniformed crew men in case of emergency. Thank you for riding the Staten Island ferry. Have a nice life!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Steven
Professor: So is anyone here from Staten Island? (no reply) Good!
–NYU