Employee: I bring my beer in the shower with me and I put it on the ledge so it doesn’t get wet. Sometimes I also have a couple of shots in the kitchen. –Office, Midtown Overheard by: Jenny Rogers
Mother: When you go into the stall do not sit down on that toilet seat!
Girl: OK, Mommy. Mother closes the door and goes into the next stall. Girl: Mommy?
Girl: I’m sittin’ all over this toilet!
Mother: Girl, I told you not to sit on that toilet! –Wendy’s ladies room, W. 34th and 8th Ave
Gay boyfriend #1: I'm so disappointed. I really didn't like that as much as mine.
Gay boyfriend #2: You think yours is better?
Gay boyfriend #1: Definitely! Next time I'm bringing my own soap.
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Janitor, looking at bathroom floor: Oh, I don't need this! Look at this water all over the floor! All over the place! Why don't you clean your pussy at home? Pour Evian all over the floor so you can clean your pussy–clean your dirty pussy at home! I don't need this! Water all over the floor!
–Bathroom, Port Authority Bus Terminal
20-something girl to friend returning from restroom: There you are! I almost sent a search party.
Friend: Yeah, I, uhm, had to go do number two.
20-something girl, enthusiastically: Awesome!
Friend: Yeah, I love a good number two.
20-something girl: Me too, man! Alriiiight! (raises hands for a high-five, then hesitates) Wait, you washed your hands, right?
Friend: Yeah, of course.
20-something girl, with renewed enthusiasm: Alriiiight! (they high five)
Overheard by: Good thinking.
60-year-old father: What for?
Five-year-old: Daddy, I need a wipe! Now! I think I spilled!
Teenage tourist #1: Why are American toilets so dirty?
Teenage tourist #2: Because people want to sue.
–Broome Street, Bathroom Line
Overheard by: The Messenger
Guy: Do you have any Irish Spring soap?
Cashier: No, I don't know what that is.
Guy: Irish Spring soap! To wash your balls with! Don't you wash your balls?
–Grocery, Flatbush Ave
Overheard by: Diana
Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!
–Blarney Rock Pub
Overheard by: Ant928
Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.
Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!
Overheard by: CatVonD
NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: melbert
Girl: Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it.
–Frying Pan Bar
Professor: Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule.
Overheard by: Leslie
Upscale female suit on cell: I'm totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole.
Overheard by: The Trooper
Gay guy on cell: I'm so cranky, I feel like I'm a girl who's on her period and pregnant.
–Park Ave & 29th St
Big black guy, loudly on phone: Why you bitchin at me because I won't cleeeeen behind you? I'm not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you!
–123rd St & Manhattan Ave