Girl in stall: Oh, shit, I dropped my phone in the toilet! The phone rings. Girl in stall: And how the hell am I supposed to answer that now?! –2nd Ave Deli bathroom Overheard by: Rue Silver
Frat boy: You know what I should get you for your birthday?
Frat boy: A funnel.
Girlfriend: A funnel?
Frat boy: Yeah, a funnel. So you can piss in a corner.
Girlfriend: I could also use it to funnel beer!
Frat boy: You'd have to wash it first. –Starbucks, Astor Place
Gay guy on cell: And they had the guy with the biggest butt stand next to the guy with the second-biggest butt! Seriously, what is wrong with them? –6th Ave & 12th Woman getting on a crowded train, looking for a seat: See, I told you there would be a lot of behinds on this train! –N Train Overheard by: Some behind lucky enough to find a seat. Thug to another: After I wipe his ass, I'm gonna beat his ass! –86th & Park Ave Woman on cell: So, what are you going to tell him? "Sorry, I can't marry you–your ass is broken"? –1st & 23 Teen to friend: Why didn't he use a tennis racket? It would have left that waffle fry look on your ass. –Bus to Penn Station Skipping tween girl to metrosexual father: I've seen your butt, you know! –72nd & Lexington Ave Overheard by: Shannon
Girl #1: Dreadlocks are so dirty. How do you wash them?
Girl #2: My friend told me about this guy she knew whose dreads were so dirty that one day he found a scorpion in them.
Girl #3: Are you sure it wasn’t just lice?
Girl #2: No, it was a scorpion.
Girl #4: Well, wait, where was he from?
Girls #1, #3, and #4, together: Jamaica? –41st & Madison Overheard by: Scorpions are creepy
Guy #1: I took a three hour shower. Well, ’cause I passed out.
Guy #2: I’ve never taken a three hour shower. I’ve had a four hour bath… That gets unpleasant. –D train Overheard by: Jess McGins
Obese black woman, explaining 9/11 to seven-year-old daughter: We talk about this every day, honey. The ending's not gonna change.
Daughter: They put up the flag up after? Didn't it get dirty?
Obese black woman: Well, they kinda had more important things to deal with. They didn't have a washing machine there. –R Train Overheard by: Jon A.
Toddler: Mommy, this bathroom is dirtyyy! Mommy? What’s the cleanest place in the world?
Mother: I don’t know, that’s a good question.
Toddler: Well, I know that the dirtiest place ever, ever, ever, ever, ever is Chick-Fil-A. –Restroom, Lunt-Fontanne Theatre Overheard by: Not eating at Chick-Fil-A anymore
Barnard-looking girl #1: You can shower, but then, if you take a shit, you feel totally dirty again. But those, they're like wiping with a washcloth.
Barnard-looking girl #2: I've almost crapped myself a few times on the subway and had to get off at the next stop. –Grand & Havermeyer, Brooklyn
Guy to vendor: You got free water? Lemme get some water.
Guy: What about napkins? Lemme get some napkins. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Beavis
Guy: Once I told my friend Ivan that I like to eat my scabs, and he said he did too, so we ate each other scabs. –Park Slope Ugly drunk girl: Sometimes I pick people's noses. (pause) Usually nothing comes out! –LIRR, Huntington Line Overheard by: I <3 Commuters Black guy on cell: Then I put KY all over her pussy, yo, and she wanted to spoon that shit up and eat it! –Lafayette St Man to family: Well, I've got to assume he's getting sick anyway, judging by the snot I just saw. –Grand Central Station Male law student: That's the good thing. You can scratch all day and it won't spread. –Fordham Law School 20-something receptionist: Urp! I think I just coughed up a fetus. I better Lysol the phone. –5th Ave Overheard by: BrooklynBorn