Archive for the ‘Cleanliness’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Prove That Nowhere Is Safe from Our Spies

Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop! –Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station Overheard by: Betsy [Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]
Girl: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark! –Williamsburg, Brooklyn Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor! –Sheraton Hotel Overheard by: Morgan Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh! –SVA Animation Department Overheard by: Laughing Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts? –Kimmel Center, NYU Overheard by: JO in Bobst Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family. –AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall [Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]
Co-worker, yelling: "I’m sorry, I had milk!" –Office bathroom, 31st Street

Wednesdays Floss After Every One-Liner

Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something. –Chelsea Market Overheard by: Alyssa Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth! –Starbucks, 8th & 39th Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay! –Times Square Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best Lady on cell: I don't know what to do. I'm like nervous… I know… I haven't bought toothpaste in years… –Duane Reade Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth. –48th & 5th Ave Overheard by: Rebecca

Wednesday One-Liners Choo-Choo-Choose You

Conductor: Attention downtown passengers. The train that just left the station was obviously not your train. –6 Train Woman on cell: Hey, it’s the MTA who should be spanked! –Rector St. Overheard by: Ladle Small girl to mom: I like this train station the best because it has an elevator, and you can see the whole world outside. The whole wide beautiful world. –Harlem Escalator, 1 Train Overheard by: Mark Brinker Guy: I get all my information from subway ads. –F Train Overheard by: Thom Cohen Woman, hearing garbled announcement that E train is running as an F: No! They are takin’ all my E trains! –E Train Overheard by: I can has E train? Crackhead: Make sure to take your newspapers with you on the way out of the train. I’m having company over later and I want it to look nice. –Franklin Avenue Shuttle Overheard by: shuttle rider

NYC Rats Are Too Pretentious for Chain Restaurants

Sullen tourist teen: We’re in New York City and we’re going to fucking Uno’s for dinner?
Tourist mom: Please watch your language. Your father wants to go to Uno’s.
Sullen tourist teen: But we’re in New York. Why are we going somewhere we can go at home?
Tourist dad, adamantly: Because New York restaurants have rats. We’re not going to a New York restaurant! –Museum of Natural History steps

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Knitting girl: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you will break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name. –The Point Knitting Cafe Overheard by: Heather Woman coming out of restroom, holding a bottle of liquid soap: You gotta keep the cat clean! –NYU Hospital Overheard by: A nurse who wish she wasn't sometimes!! Female tourist, to herself: There are nine ways to skin a cat, and I know all of them. –23rd & 8th Man to woman, arguing: Fuck you, Nina, that's the point. You're not taking my cat! –Central Park Old man to friend, during lunch: I don't like cats' attitudes. Unlike dogs, they can be so aloof. Especially to Jews… –Deli, 1st Ave Overheard by: Allison

Wednesday One-Liners Heart Meerkats

Pretty 20-something girl: I might reconsider if there is a horse involved. –Manhattan Beach Overheard by: The Tutors Girl to friend: Look at sociology. Look at the animals. That totally explains it. It is just like the animals, sociology explains everything. –West 4th & Washington Square Park Overheard by: Darci Woman to man: Because I'd really like to understand what makes a good toreador and what makes a bad toreador. –70th St & 3rd Ave Overheard by: Lisa B. Girl who was just handed an anti-bird-porn flyer: I have never even seen birds mating. Now I am intrigued. –Hair Rush Line Central Park Overheard by: Krysta Pet store clerk to customer: I don't know what flavor it is. It's turtle food. It's what they eat. –Flushing Petland Discount Park janitor to pigeons: I need all's you guys to be flappin' yo' wings and help me be cleanin' up these leaves. (pigeons coo, janitor starts cooing with them) –Clinton & Congress, Brooklyn Overheard by: Was a good impression