Archive for the ‘Cleanliness’ Category

Who's Gonna Hold Wednesday's Hair While She One-Liners?

Self-tanned woman on BlackBerry, pushing stroller: I'm gonna puke because you're not here with me!

–American Eagle

Overheard by: liveyourlife

Cheerful woman on cell: Oh yeah, I been getting mad nauseous on this bus! But I ain't putting my face near that toilet back there, nuh-uh. I'd rather get sick all over myself.

–Chinatown Bus to DC

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy waiting for n train: I just want to fucking go home and puke in my own fucking toilet!

–Canal St & Broadway

Woman: I come out of the bathroom after three hours of him barfing, and people think we were having sex! You think I'm that hot at 46 to go shag my boy in the middle of a party? And even if I were, I would have been gone for, what? Like, ten minutes? Max!

–Time Warner Building

Girl to friends: I definitely think gay vomit would be the prettiest.

–Perry & Bleecker

Overheard by: other contenders?

No Wednesday One-Liner, No Love

50-something beefy man in wife beater on cell: Yo! I've got a bag of condoms and Jolly Ranchers!

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Funky Monkey

Preppy girl to friend on phone: I mean… I've had to take Plan B twice this week already!

–2nd Ave & 9th

Drunken street vendor: Buy these Obama condoms! Flavored with hope, they'll get you through "hard" times!

–Times Square

Woman on cell: I got home to take a shower and he stuffs a bunch of condoms in his pocket right in front of me and then walks out the door. I mean what the hell is that?

–Astor Place

Man to woman on escalator: Well, just next time, remember to use protection!

–Babies"R"Us, Union Square

Overheard by: miziz

How Did Any Of Us Survive College?

College girl #1: I think we accidentally made crystal meth in our bathtub one time. We were cleaning it and pouring in a bunch of bleach and…
College girl #2: Wait! Why were you even cleaning the bathroom? Shelly and I lived in our apartment for over a year and we never cleaned our bathroom. It didn't smell. It was totally fine.
College girl #1: But we have to clean our bathroom… we don't have a window.

–M104 Bus

…..But That Was Only Because I Drank Too Much Eggnog and Passed Out in a Puddle

Red-haired hipster: Yeah, I haven't bathed myself in a week, so today I took a shower.
Hipster chick: Yeah, last time I took a shower was on Christmas Eve. I guess I should bathe.

–L Train

Overheard by: every day bather

Headline by: antigoth

Runners-Up:
· “God, I Hope This Was Overheard on Christmas Day” – Vasyl
· “Jesus Would Want It That Way” – Nick Turner
· “On the Plus Side, I’ve Driven All Of the Roaches Out Of My Apartment” – Kelly
· “Robert Pattinson’s Dream Girls” – John
· “Smells Like…. Teen Spirit?” – rose
· “Wait, Do Golden Showers Count?” – Trey Jackson
· “Why Is There an Echo on This Train?” – Scott Easton
· “Why You Never See Hipster Babies…” – Ray


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Funny, That's What #96B269 Said…..

Excited girlfriend: Hey, are these soap bars?
Disinterested boyfriend: I don't know, why don't you drop one and find out?

–Bath & Body Works

Headline by: Harriet

Runners-Up:
· “And Nine Months Later…” – Junior

· “Dating Ex-Cons Has Its Drawbacks” – Mike
· “Part Of Bloomberg’s “Clean Up the Village!” Program?” – Bobo D Clown
· “Prison Etiquette 101″ – Kosi


Click here to see the new Headline Contest