Clerk: Sir, please check your bag.
Customer #1: The money’s in the bag. If you take the bag, I won’t spend the money.
Customer #2: Here’s my ticket. But I want that bag.
–Forbidden Planet
Archive for the ‘Clerks’ Category
But you’re in a 99-Cent Store
Cashier in Jack’s 99 Cent store: Here’s your change, 62-cents
Woman: But I just gave you $62, and since everything here costs $1, how come you’re giving me 62 cents back?
Cashier: Everything here is 99-cents
Woman: Really?
Cashier: Yeah
– Jack’s 99-Cent Store, Midtown
Brooklyn Ballbusters
Deli guy (to another deli guy): He’s got a shrimp salad sandwich too. Here, I’ll mark the paper for you so you don’t get confused. I know your brain, it don’t work so good. Do you want me to write it in Mexican or in English?
Yes, We Sell Parrots
Customer: So what do I feed it?
Manager: Give it crickets, 2 or 3 times a week.
Employee: You’ve got to feed it crickets 2 or 3 times a week.
Manager: Otherwise it takes greens and fruit.
Employee: Or greens and fruit.
Customer: What kind of greens?
Manager: Lettuce.
Customer: Regular lettuce or romaine?
Manager: Romaine.
Employee: It needs romaine.
Manager: Kale, chard.
Employee: Kale, chard.
Manager: Anything leafy and green it’ll eat.
Employee: Anything leafy and green.
Customer: So it’s OK if I leave it for a weekend or a week?
Manager: Yeah, just throw some lettuce in there with it before you go.
Employee: You got that?
–Petland Discounts, Bensonhurst
I Only Date Action Figures
Where: Time Square Toys R Us
Cashier: May I have your phone number, starting with the area code, please?
Customer: You’re not my type.
The Wizened and Wise Diet
The cashier scans an old lady’s ricotta cheese.
Cashier: Why didn’t you get the bigger one?
Old Lady: ‘Cause I’ll eat it all! This way I have a limit.
–Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
When Bad Jokes Come to Life
Coffee Barista: Would you like to try our new egg nog latte?
Dwarf: No thanks, I just want a tall coffee.
–Starbucks, UWS
I Need Some Flipflops for the Next Blizzard
Shopper: Will you have spring shoes out next week?
Saleslady: What?
Shopper: Spring shoes! Next week?
Saleslady: Spring?
Shopper: Yeah, downstairs they told me you always have the next season’s shoes out one season ahead.
Saleslady: Spring?
Shopper: Yes! Spring! Next week!
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Roxy Chanel McPink
More Bookstore Fun
Woman: Excuse me, where are the literary journals?
B&N Guy: Them’s over there.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Down’s Decimal System
Chick: I’m looking for a book on wars.
Librarian: Okay. Anything in particular?
Chick: Oh, you know. Just whatever.
–NY Science Library