Deli guy (to another deli guy): He’s got a shrimp salad sandwich too. Here, I’ll mark the paper for you so you don’t get confused. I know your brain, it don’t work so good. Do you want me to write it in Mexican or in English?
Customer: So what do I feed it?
Manager: Give it crickets, 2 or 3 times a week.
Employee: You’ve got to feed it crickets 2 or 3 times a week.
Manager: Otherwise it takes greens and fruit.
Employee: Or greens and fruit.
Customer: What kind of greens?
Customer: Regular lettuce or romaine?
Employee: It needs romaine.
Manager: Kale, chard.
Employee: Kale, chard.
Manager: Anything leafy and green it’ll eat.
Employee: Anything leafy and green.
Customer: So it’s OK if I leave it for a weekend or a week?
Manager: Yeah, just throw some lettuce in there with it before you go.
Employee: You got that? –Petland Discounts, Bensonhurst
Shopper: Will you have spring shoes out next week?
Shopper: Spring shoes! Next week?
Shopper: Yeah, downstairs they told me you always have the next season’s shoes out one season ahead.
Shopper: Yes! Spring! Next week! –Macy’s Overheard by: Roxy Chanel McPink
Woman: Excuse me, where are the literary journals?
B&N Guy: Them’s over there. –Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Where: Time Square Toys R Us
Cashier: May I have your phone number, starting with the area code, please?
Customer: You’re not my type.
Chick: I’m looking for a book on wars.
Librarian: Okay. Anything in particular?
Chick: Oh, you know. Just whatever. –NY Science Library
Man: …and three plain cheeseburgers.
Cashier: Plain? Does that mean you want those with cheese, or not? –McDonald’s, St. Mark’s Place
The cashier scans an old lady’s ricotta cheese.
Cashier: Why didn’t you get the bigger one?
Old Lady: ‘Cause I’ll eat it all! This way I have a limit. –Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
Coffee Barista: Would you like to try our new egg nog latte?
Dwarf: No thanks, I just want a tall coffee. –Starbucks, UWS
Old Coot: String beans.
Employee: How about green beans?
Old Coot: No, string beans!
Employee: I don’t see them!
Old Coot: You’ll find it.
Employee: You have to get string beans, you can’t get regular beans? –Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst