Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time! –Hostos Faculty Dining Room Overheard by: glad she's leaving Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream? –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then… –Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge Overheard by: allison Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits. –Upper West Side Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry. –95th & 2nd
Tiny elderly woman, angrily: I want some comfortable shoes that I can walk in!
Salesman: Oh, but we have so many…
Tiny elderly woman: I can't decide like that! Brands! Give me one brand!
Tiny elderly woman: No! Not Mephisto! –Shoestore, W 72nd St Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful. –K-Mart, 34th St Overheard by: EthanK Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys. –4th St & 2nd Ave Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave. –100th St & Broadway Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow! –Union Square Overheard by: Ayenbird Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say. –14th St & 7th Ave
Middle aged woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find English muffins?
Teen employee: All the muffins are in that aisle over there, but I don't know where they are from. –Waldbaums Supermarket, Bayside
Man selling CDs: If you like the Mets, you will love my album! –8th & Broadway Overheard by: nicole Mets fan: I don’t care if I have one lung, or only have half a pancreas, or if I lose a leg falling in front of the train. As long as the Mets win, I’m good to go. –7 train Asshole, pointing to guy with Red Sox bumper sticker on his wheelchair: He’s a Boston fan; let’s kick his ass! Oh wait, looks like God beat us to it. –126th & St Nick Conductor, on PA: That Johnny Damon. He sure looks like Jesus. But he sure throws like my little sister. –Amtrak train out of Penn Station Overheard by: Lisita MTA worker: All people for the Mets game, go to your right. All people for the US Open, if any, go to your left. –Willets Point-Shea Stadium subway station Overheard by: Emily Thugette: Yo, when I make it in show business, I will not speak to Ben Affleck. When I found out he’s a Red Sox fan, I decided then and there. –Q65 bus Overheard by: A White Bear Conductor: 161st Street, Yankee Stadium. Let Big Papi know who the real MVP is. –D train Overheard by: Lindsay J.
Cashier: Here’s your change. Have a good day.
Cashier: There’s no matches left, sorry.
Smoker: No matches? Without matches it’s not worth it. –Rite-Aid, Bensonhurst
Woman in store: Let me get a bacon and cheese on a roll.
Deli guy: Okay, bacon egg and cheese on a roll.
Woman: No eggs! I have high cholesterol, I'm trying to stay away from that… Just bacon and cheese on a roll, and put some mayonnaise on it. (mutters under her breath) Pshhh, eggs, you tryin to kill me with high cholesterol. –Lafayette Ave & Broadway
Black hipster girl being given directions: Huh? Crosswalk? What is a “crosswalk”?
Shop girl: Honey, I'm from Ohio and I know what a crosswalk is! –Vintage Store, West Broadway Overheard by: Murray
20-year-old female host: Can I help you with something?
12-year-old boy, staring at her: I just want to admire your body.
20-year-old female host: Excuse me?
12-year-old boy: You have a great body.
20-year-old female host: Ummmm, thanks…
12-year-old boy's friend: If I were you I'd leave, he's creepy.
20-year-old female host: I wish I could. –Restaurant, Times Square
Clerk guy #1: Dude, we should go there on my birthday.
Clerk guy #2: Man, your birthday ain’t for like ten years. –K-mart, E. 8th Street