Archive for the ‘Clerks’ Category

Pending a Lawsuit from the Llamas

Little girl, talking to Rite-Aid employee: How many letters are there in the alphabet?
Rite-Aid employee: Hmm…let's see. Right now? Right now…24.
Little girl: Aren't there 26?
Rite-Aid employee: Actually there used to be 26, but they took away two.
Little girl: Which ones?
Rite-Aid employee: The ch and the double l. –Rite-Aid, 86th St Overheard by: Marie Ziskin

Now Try to Explain Cell Phones vs. Cordless

Cell phone chick: So if you upgrade to this new plan for $10 more a month, we’ll give you a totally free phone. $0, free of charge. All you have to do is mail in a $50 rebate form.
Woman: Wait, I thought it was free.
Cell phone chick: It is, you just pay me $50, and then send in the rebate form and they’ll mail you a $50 check.
Woman: Wait, but it’s not free? My husband will kill me if I spend
money on a new phone. What’s 50 minus 50?…I went to Syracuse University, I’m a college educated person, and I’m still confused. Is it free? –Verizon, 34th between Broadway & 7th Overheard by: Jordan the Intern

Ew, Who Wednesday One-Linered?

Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people. –Broadway & Houston Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us. –80th St & 34th Ave Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these. –83rd St & Broadway Overheard by: new girl in town Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore? –7 Train Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it. –125th St & Lexington Overheard by: Stephen

Also, I May Need to Be Changed

Thug: Yo, I need to get this shit cashed.
Clerk: Do you have an account, sir?
Thug: Yeah, but I ain’t got my card or my number.
Clerk: Sir, I need your social security number, then.
Thug: Aight, hold up. [Pulls out phone] Hey, Mommy, what’s my social again? –Chase Bank, Broadway & Houston Overheard by: Tabitha

It’s a Trap! Buy the Schopenhauer!

Guy: Hey, I’m lookin’ for a book.
Lady behind the counter: Um, okay. Did you have any particular one in mind?
Guy, laughing: No. Hell no. I don’t fuckin’ read. I’m just lookin’ for something I can take over to Central Park so I can get hit on by chicks who think I’m smart and shit.
Lady behind counter: Try Nietzsche. –Barnes & Noble, Broadway between 82nd & 83rd

Certifiable Mail Guarantees Insanity for $1 More

Mailman: I’m sorry sir, but I don’t know where this package is. It was undeliverable. It is not here.
Human man: I know. This is the third time I’ve been down here. So what do you want me to do?
Mailman: Sir?
Human man: What do you want me to do? Give up, keep coming back?
Mailman: Yes.
Human man: What? Give up?
Mailman: Yes.
Human man: You’re serious?
Mailman: Yes. –Post office, 34th & Lexington Overheard by: Fish