Archive for the ‘Clerks’ Category

What? Sex?

Eight-year old boy, barely audibly: Do you have any kid's shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Do I have sex? (pause) Well…
Eight-year old boy, slightly more audibly: Naw, do you have any kid's shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Kids? Yes. I've got one 24 and one 19. I know they're not really kids, but they still seem like it to me.
Eight-year-old boy: Naw, naw! (loudly) I said “do you have any kid's shoes?”

–Shoe Store, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eremi

Was?”

Four-year-old: I was going to Queens.
Employee: Oh, Queens?
Four-year-old: Yeah, it wasn't part of the United States, it was part of Long Island.

–McNally Jackson Bookstore

Overheard by: Amyjo

The Alien Autopsy Of Wednesday One-Liners

Seven-year old boy to bookseller: Do you have any books on crop circles in this library?

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Amused bookseller a few feet away

Man to another: Don't you know? All those tunnels in Afghanistan run into the pyramids in Gaza! If I was President there would be one less pyramid.

–Soup Kitchen, Midtown

Overheard by: John Gordon

Gentleman on train: You know why they invented daylight savings, don't you? It's because of Halloween, a lot of congressmen wanted kids to have an extra hour to go trick or treating. That's why we have daylight savings.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Annie

Elderly professor: Fewer chairs, less chalk every week. It's a conspiracy!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

They Really Need to Do a Survivor: New York City

Announcer: Attention all passengers! The a train will be running on the local platform. It will not be running on the express platform. If you are on the middle platform, you are on the wrong platform. Excuse me, if you are wearing a checkered dress, you are on the wrong platform. If you are wearing a checkered dress and pushing a baby carriage, you are on the wrong platform. Hello! I'm talking to you! The a train will be running on the local platform!
Random guy: Yo, this bitch is dumb! Get off the platform, dumb bitch!
(checkered dress lady continues to stare down tunnel)

–A Train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Kosi

The Critics Are Raving About Wednesday One-Liners!

30-something man to girlfriend: I liked it. I mean, it really made me think: if twenty years from now I went in a hot tub and was transported back to today, what would I tell myself to do with my life?

–23rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: drose

Dad to teenage children: I wouldn't see Twilight if my life depended on it. If I had to choose, I would choose to die.

–Times Square

Acting professor: Did you see how Brando picked up her glove? He wanted her to stay. Do you ever do that? Take someone's things just so you know they'll come back? (dead silence) Guess you kids just aren't devious like me…

–Tisch School of the Arts

Older man to ticket salesman: Are Precious and The Rocky Horror Picture Show a double feature?

–Clearview Cinema, Chelsea