Archive for the ‘Clerks’ Category

Psh, Even Queens Has Moved On

Lawyer to Latina secretary: Yes, I meant do it now! What did you think I meant, tomorrow? Don't make me go all Hiram Monserrate on you!
Latina secretary: Okay, I'll do it now.
Lawyer: You don't even know who Hiram Monserrate is, do you?
Latina secretary: No, who is he?
Lawyer: I don't have the time. Google him when you get a chance. On your own time.

–Court St

Overheard by: Big Larry

They Really Need to Do a Survivor: New York City

Announcer: Attention all passengers! The a train will be running on the local platform. It will not be running on the express platform. If you are on the middle platform, you are on the wrong platform. Excuse me, if you are wearing a checkered dress, you are on the wrong platform. If you are wearing a checkered dress and pushing a baby carriage, you are on the wrong platform. Hello! I'm talking to you! The a train will be running on the local platform!
Random guy: Yo, this bitch is dumb! Get off the platform, dumb bitch!
(checkered dress lady continues to stare down tunnel)

–A Train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Kosi

…For Your Information.

Suit: (bangs on information glass repeatedly)
Clerk, playing with his iPod: How may I help you?
Suit: Can I exchange my expired MetroCard?
Clerk: See the sign says “information only”? Go across the street.
Suit: So what are you here for? To play with your iPod?
Clerk: I deserve my job.

–R Train

Overheard by: Danchik

Wednesday One-Liners Still Giggle When They Say “Stimulus Package”

Mother to preschool-aged child: That's the New York Stock Exchange. That's where we lose all our money.

–Outside NYSE

Overheard by: Angel

Man to four-shoe-pair-buying wife: It's people like you who confuse the economists.

–Macy's

Toll booth operator to chick in car during rush hour: So, what's your take on the economy these days?

–Verrazano Bridge

Young dudes, watching suits take Queens train at 9 am: Oooh! They got fired.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Only in Brooklyn

Wednesday, Are You Fucking Kidding Me With These One-Liners?

Fat chick to cute friend's blind date: So, wait, is Jean Garafolo a man or a woman?

–Tribeca

Overheard by: Becka Dash

20-something blonde girl: Is there an English word for "quesadilla"?

–F Train

Checkout lady, pausing with a container of hummus after scanning it: Lots of people buy this stuff…what is it?

–Myrtle St

Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton

Woman entering RadioShack: Excuse me, do you have radios?

–RadioShack, 72nd & Broadway

B9 bus driver to passengers: Make a left here?

–B9 Bus

Overheard by: VeganBeauty

…You Dutchbag.

Black guy: And lemme get two Dutches…
Store clerk: (puts them on the counter)
Black guy: And lemme also get that … that female Dutch.
Store clerk: (looks confused)
Black guy: You know, man, that female Dutch. You know what I'm talkin bout, man.
Store clerk, pointing to various items: This one? This one?
Black guy: Nah, man, you know, that female Dutch! For the pussy, man! For the pussy!
Store clerk: (takes down a douche) This one?
Black guy: Yeah, yeah! See? You knew what I was talkin bout!

–130th St & Lenox Ave

Overheard by: Kosi