Archive for the ‘Clerks’ Category

Newsflash: Sketchy Man Hangs Out in Sex Shop. Film at 11.

Middle Eastern man to register girl at sex shop: You have most beautiful eyes in Manhattan.
Register girl: Um, thanks.
Middle Eastern man: You look like European girl.
Register girl: I get that a lot.
Middle Eastern man: Let's go out for drink tonight.
Register girl: No.
Middle Eastern man: Okay, thank you! –Sex Shop, 5th Ave Overheard by: Nanda

Whatever, Mr. Gender-Identity Gestapo

Madison Square Garden worker: Sir… Sir! Sir, where the hell do you think you're going?
Man, with five-year-old kid: I'm gettin' in the line for the bathroom.
Madison Square Garden worker: Sir, it looks to me like you're trying to get into the ladies bathroom.
Man: But I got a kid!
Madison Square Garden worker: Did you give birth to your kid?
Man: No!
Madison Square Garden worker: Then it looks to me like you're in the wrong fuckin line. –Madison Square Garden

Wednesday One-Liners Go Through a Grey Period

Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art? –Broadway & Houston Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido? –NYU Silver Center Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped. –Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Seth Father to four-year-old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired. –Metropolitan Museum Lobby Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it. –Outside the Guggenheim Overheard by: Devoted Puppy Professor-type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass! –Metropolitan Museum of Art

Explains Why You Put International Postage on Everything Outside Of Manhattan

Secretary: What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
Nurse: My husband and I are going to North Carolina to visit his family. Why? What are you doing? Do you want to come with us?
Secretary: No. I can't. I don't have a passport.
Nurse: Uh. –NYU Cancer Center Overheard by: Destiny Traphofner

Cuba Gooding Jr: “Show Me the Wednesday One-Liner!”

CEO on phone: Fuck you! Just get me the things I need to make money. –12th & Broadway Overheard by: Jeremy Older man wearing yarmulke, screaming into cell: Hi! I think I left a check for $19,000 in the armoire, can you check if its there? (pause) Oh, good! I was so worried! I will deposit it tomorrow! (pause) Yeah! I'm going over the bridge! (pause) Okay? I gotta go! Bye! –Q Train Frustrated girl on cell: I've only got a metro card and $20! I can't take the bus! –85th & Columbus Overheard by: Jesse D Female student: My dad didn't pay two $200,000 for me to be a bartender. –Central Park Overheard by: Greg Singing hobo: I work hard for the money, I work hard for the money, so you better work hard for me! –W 4th St Overheard by: DRC Bursar office attendant: All we do is take yo money. –Pratt Institute