Archive for the ‘Clothing’ Category

You Just Need Some Deep Wednesday One-Linerin'

Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in. –W 34th & 8th Ave Overheard by: innocent bystander Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay. –Men's Bathroom, Penn Station Overheard by: Phil Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke. –Lawton St, Brooklyn Overheard by: Eric Frazier Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself) –Penn Station Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great! –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Robert H

Country Mouse, Wednesday One-Liner Mouse

Very happy male suit wearing slippers, shuffling down to the subway: If you can wear slippers in New York, you can wear slippers anywhere. –2 Train Overheard by: Lara Suit on cell: I'm so glad to be in New York, where everyone is so mellow and everyone talks American. –DiFara Pizzeria Guy to date: That's what I love about New York–people wear different outfits. –Outside Deluxe, 113th & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle Dad to preteen daughter: See, I really don't have issues with citizens not from New York city. –Forest Hills Overheard by: depends on citizens Woman on cell: I'm in New York, where Sesame Street lives. –52nd & 7th Overheard by: AEVRed Southern lady on cell: I have to say I'm disappointed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amazing. Ya'll don't even have a Wal-Mart. –Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Ironic, but Not without Hope

Chick #1: What’s going on with these shopping carts?
Chick #2: It’s the race where people get drunk and dress up in stupid costumes.
Chick #1: Costumes?
Chick #2: Yeah.
Chick #1: Oh! I saw five guys dressed up as apostles down on Bedford earlier today! I thought they were just being ironic. –Franklin Ave, Brooklyn

Bill Cosby Started Out the Same Way

Girl #1: Oh, I like your sweater!
Girl #2: Oh, thanks, my mom gave it to me. You know it's funny, she gave it to me a few months ago because she said New York winters are cold and I have nothing that's wool. I was like, “Mom, you cannot seriously expect me to wear this for real.” Last week I wore it as a joke, but then everyone was like “That sweater is so cool!” so now this time I'm wearing it for real.
Girl #2: Good decision. –Classroom, Fordham University Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

I Wanna Dip My Wednesday One-Liners in It!

Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off. –St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital Overheard by: Kate Melvin Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all. –7 train Overheard by: bronwyn Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole! –8th Ave Overheard by: finds it comforting Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!" –E 85th St & 3rd Ave Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls. –Broadway & W 4th Overheard by: Jake R Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls. –6th Ave & Bleecker

Wednesday One-Liners Put Them on One Leg at a Time, Like Everyone Else

Woman to old lady: Put your shoes on so your pants don’t fall off. –Ladies’ bathroom, Manhattan Mall Guy: I wanna go to a zoo where all the animals are wearing pants. –Prospect Park Zoo Overheard by: Valerie Fasone Tourist dad: Did you see that thing? It just went–Zip!–Right up his pant leg! –23rd & 6th Overheard by: Stephen Distinti Older man on cell: OK, let me know what Margot says and let me know if my pants are there. –Chinatown Overheard by: Elise Doctor to wife: I had a patient bleed on these pants today; should I wash them tonight? –L Train Overheard by: Jason Suit #1 to suit #2: The first thing to come to my mind is: I have a girlfriend, she has a boyfriend, how can I get into her pants one last time? –Downtown 4 train Overheard by: Michael O’Connor Teen girl on cell: So then he wanted me to go down on him and I said, "OK." He pulls down his pants, and let me tell you, girl, I could not stop laughing. –Court & Atlantic, Brooklyn Overheard by: Size always matters