Archive for the ‘Clothing’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Put Them on One Leg at a Time, Like Everyone Else

Woman to old lady: Put your shoes on so your pants don’t fall off.

–Ladies’ bathroom, Manhattan Mall

Guy: I wanna go to a zoo where all the animals are wearing pants.

–Prospect Park Zoo

Overheard by: Valerie Fasone

Tourist dad: Did you see that thing? It just went–Zip!–Right up his pant leg!

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Stephen Distinti

Older man on cell: OK, let me know what Margot says and let me know if my pants are there.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Elise

Doctor to wife: I had a patient bleed on these pants today; should I wash them tonight?

–L Train

Overheard by: Jason

Suit #1 to suit #2: The first thing to come to my mind is: I have a girlfriend, she has a boyfriend, how can I get into her pants one last time?

–Downtown 4 train

Overheard by: Michael O’Connor

Teen girl on cell: So then he wanted me to go down on him and I said, "OK." He pulls down his pants, and let me tell you, girl, I could not stop laughing.

–Court & Atlantic, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Size always matters

Every Little Wednesday One-Liner Helps

Professor: Gods, these students. It’s like they just don’t get it, you tell them things and two minutes later they ask you the same thing. How did they get here? What are they going to major in? In "homelessness"?

–English Department, Hostos Community College

Well-dressed 20-something girl: Homeless people tell me to cheer up all the time!

–1 train

Rich woman #1, fixing rich woman #2’s scarf: [laughs] Oh my god, you look homeless!

–1 Train

Overheard by: sagehen

Well-dressed woman on cell: It’s just another Wednesday and I’m a bag lady.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mother to her flock of children entering the train and then getting off: Run guys run, theres a homeless guy on that train! Run!

–F Train

Overheard by: yana

Go Back to Elsewhere!

Tourist lady #1: Oh, it’s worth paying the cab fare. I mean, the subway…well, after September 11th it’s just not safe, you know?
Tourist lady #2: You’ve ridden the subway before?
Tourist lady #1: No, it smells weird. –Hunt Valley bus Overheard by: Katie Cheek Prospective girl #1: OK, so tomorrow, let’s all wear our “I Heart NY” t-shirts.
Prospective girl #2: Yeah! And I can wear my Columbia sweatshirt over it! –Morningside Heights Toddler: Why is Jack-Jack’s name “Jack-Jack”? Why not regular Jack?
Mom: That’s just a nickname. I think his real name is just plain Jack.
Toddler: Can my nickname be Johann-Johann? –1 train Overheard by: Matt G

Our Wednesday One-Liners in Blue

Cop on cell: Yeah, Adam just called. Are there bodies there?

–Outside Times Square Police Station

Overheard by: leah

Police officer on crowd control duty: If you was special, you'd get on the sidewalk. If you was my family, you'd get on the sidewalk.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Claire

Little boy to mother, after policeman walks by: Mom, it's the five-o!

–38th St, Astoria

Man: Yo, I was so twisted last night. I was in the cop car and he was like, "no drinking in the cop car!"

–Lexington & 75th

Overheard by: wb

Cop to victim: So the doors and windows were locked,no sign of forced entry…and you're sure that your panty drawer was rifled through and unknown items are missing?

–Bensonhurst