Archive for the ‘Cocaine’ Category

Wednesday Caniners

Stylish 20-something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you're out of breath because you're out of shape. (pause) No, you're not fat. You're voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it's not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.

–Central Park

Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I've been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn't working!

–Williamsburg

Woman to her dog: Don't be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!

–10th St & Broadway

Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.

–Brooklyn

You Are Not Snoop Dogg, Charlie

11-year-old white kid to friends, in loud whisper: I was so high last night, I don't remember Suzy* saying she liked me.
Nerd friend: You were high last night?
11-year-old white kid: Yeah, I've been high every night this week!
Nerd friend: On what?
11-year-old white kid: Last night coke, night before LSD, night before e, and then weed for two nights before that.
Nerd friend: That's so cool!
Nerd girl near him: Weed? You're such a jackass!

–L Train

Wednesday One-Liners and the Utterly Unsatisfying Conclusion

Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter?

–Vivi Bubble Tea Bar

Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans."

–8th Ave & Horatio St

Overheard by: Jean Ann

Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns… How does Harry Potter stand it?

–Columbia University Business School Graduation

Overheard by: Jen

Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man… that's it? That was a lap dance!

–42nd Street Movie Theater

Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work?

–Brooklyn Theater

Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Two-Drink Minimum

Flyer guy: Smile, you're on Broadway! (singing) You're never fully dressed…when you're naked! (stops singing) So come to New York's best improvisational comedy club! Be there, or be someplace else!

–Times Square

Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy

Annoying man outside comedy club, to passerby: Do you like stand-up comedy? (passerby ignores him keeps walking) Do you like free alcohol? (passerby keeps walking) Do you like ignoring me? (passerby turns head and nods)

–Broadway

Overheard by: Wojo

Comedy show ticket salesman to couple: So, what are you two doing tonight…besides each other?

–Broadway & 49th St

Overheard by: Theo

Ticket guy to walking couple: Do you like comedy or do you just do each other? Maybe that's all you need.

–51st & 8th

Overheard by: PartyByNight

Street vendor: Want to see a comedy show for $10? Free drinks! Cheaper than crack cocaine!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: gradstudent

Comedy club flyer guy: Blah, blah, blah, take my flyer!

–Times Square

Overheard by: No flyer, but props for the delivery

Wednesday One-Liners Are Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland

Woman: One time this guy punched me…but it was alright, cause I was on coke.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Laura Grossman

Female hipster on cell: I'm coked up and all alone, Harvey, how do you expect me to feel?

–Humboldt & Ainslie, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Joseph Hernandez

Girl on cell: I haven't done coke in like a week. It's been a rough week.

–Upper East Side

Hot 20-something tourist girl to friend: Pfft, the Meatpacking District. That's false advertising…I got no meat packed in me last night. All I did was steal that bag of cocaine from those guys.

–Broadway & Wooster

Overheard by: ClassyGal

Female 20-something on phone: Yeah, he realized it was too late when he couldn't tell the difference between the piles of sugar, the piles of flour, and the piles of cocaine.

–Central Park