Archive for the ‘Cocaine’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Two-Drink Minimum

Flyer guy: Smile, you're on Broadway! (singing) You're never fully dressed…when you're naked! (stops singing) So come to New York's best improvisational comedy club! Be there, or be someplace else!

–Times Square

Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy

Annoying man outside comedy club, to passerby: Do you like stand-up comedy? (passerby ignores him keeps walking) Do you like free alcohol? (passerby keeps walking) Do you like ignoring me? (passerby turns head and nods)

–Broadway

Overheard by: Wojo

Comedy show ticket salesman to couple: So, what are you two doing tonight…besides each other?

–Broadway & 49th St

Overheard by: Theo

Ticket guy to walking couple: Do you like comedy or do you just do each other? Maybe that's all you need.

–51st & 8th

Overheard by: PartyByNight

Street vendor: Want to see a comedy show for $10? Free drinks! Cheaper than crack cocaine!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: gradstudent

Comedy club flyer guy: Blah, blah, blah, take my flyer!

–Times Square

Overheard by: No flyer, but props for the delivery

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Household Name

English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent!

–English Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?"

–126 Bus

Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Jas

Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr.

–Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn

Overheard by: LP

Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt.

–Restaurant Row

Overheard by: Al-master

Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Helena

Wednesday One-Liners, Now With Delicious Credit Crunch!

Hobo, yelling to crowd: The stimulus plan won't work! The banks have no money! We need to stimulate the banks! You know how? Cocaine and hookers!

–53rd st & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Andrew

Professor: I knew the economy was bad when I saw Saks had layaway. Layaway is for Wal-Mart, not Saks!

–NYU Law

Guy on phone with mother: No, mom! I'm not going to walk on Wall St today. (pause) Because I don't feel like getting hit by a falling body, that's why.

–Broadway & John St

Asian metrosexual to friend entering clothing store: No, I wanna stimulate the economy!

–SoHo

Overheard by: Galatea

Cute young professional: I better be able to go into a bar and say, "I have a job, and it's recession proof. Wanna see what my bed and a Magnum condom look like?"

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Lindsay D.

Guy on cell: I'm telling you, when a place like that switches from Charmin to Duane Reade toilet paper, you know the economy is in the shitter.

–Great Jones & Broadway