Archive for the ‘Coffee’ Category

Saccharine Might Be Better for Her

Woman in leggings: What the fuck is this shit? You gonna hand me three motherfucking sugar packets? Do you have any idea how big this coffee is?
Cashier: We don’t put sugar in your coffee. Sugar packets are on the counter.
Woman in leggings: Listen, my boyfriend’s a cop. And he owns, like, three Dunkin’ Donuts franchises. What do you mean you won’t put sugar in my fuckin’ coffee? I want to speak to the manager.
Manager: Excuse me, but I heard you. There are sugar packets on the counter. Take as many as you like.
Woman in leggings: You guys are total assholes. –Dunkin’ Donuts, 96th & Broadway Overheard by: ProcrastYNate

Finally, Someone Understands That the Terms Are Mutually Exclusive.

Dude: I don’t want coffee, I want Starbucks! –Bleecker & Thompson Overheard by: office peon Headline by: desire Runners-Up:
· “And For The Last Time, I’m Not From The Bronx; I’m From Riverdale!” – Gutterlush
· “Howard Shultz: Don’t Call It a Comeback, It That Easy, G!” – Drewp
· “I Can’t Decipher That Small, Medium, Large Jargon They Use Everywhere Else.” – Jessie Birks
· “Overheard in Seattle: Shit, They Know” – digital hash
· “The Top Conerns Of the Nation: War, Peace, and Finding a Starbucks” – abbitt the rabbitt
· “Yeah, Well I Really Don’t Think We Have Time For a Handjob, Joe.” – Idiocracy
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners for Young, Urban Professionals

Female yuppie: As a general rule of thumb, I think I should refrain from going to the Hustler Club with my male boss and co-workers from now on. –Downtown C train Overheard by: amused passenger Yuppie: It was the most intense Hava Nagilah I’d ever seen. –43rd & Lex Yuppie, examining the New York Public Library: Wow, that library is such a waste of real estate! –42nd & 5th Avenue Overheard by: Reader Rabbit Emo Girl to friend: Oh I love Whole Foods, its like Wal-Mart for Yuppies. –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: Addie Wagenknecht Yuppie, to McDonald’s cashier: Do you have French vanilla capuccino? –McDonald’s, 34th & 10th