Archive for the ‘Coffee’ Category

Finally, Someone Understands That the Terms Are Mutually Exclusive.

Dude: I don’t want coffee, I want Starbucks! –Bleecker & Thompson Overheard by: office peon Headline by: desire Runners-Up:
· “And For The Last Time, I’m Not From The Bronx; I’m From Riverdale!” – Gutterlush
· “Howard Shultz: Don’t Call It a Comeback, It That Easy, G!” – Drewp
· “I Can’t Decipher That Small, Medium, Large Jargon They Use Everywhere Else.” – Jessie Birks
· “Overheard in Seattle: Shit, They Know” – digital hash
· “The Top Conerns Of the Nation: War, Peace, and Finding a Starbucks” – abbitt the rabbitt
· “Yeah, Well I Really Don’t Think We Have Time For a Handjob, Joe.” – Idiocracy
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Shade-Grown, Slow-Roasted Wednesday One-Liners

Thug to friend: That bitch looked up at me and said, "Damn, your dick tastes like coffee." –86th St & Lexington Overheard by: TINA Female suit to other: Duane Reade is like the Starbucks of drugstores! –Duane Reade Old lady with shopping cart, exiting voting booth: Where's my Starbucks coupon? –PS163, Bath Beach, Brooklyn Overheard by: Torgo61 Guy on cell: Hey, bro! I'm having coffee and a bagel. (pause) No, an animal did not have to die for me to have this coffee! –Arthur Avenue Overheard by: eternal student Man with heavy Indian accent holding a cup of Starbucks coffee: No, the most expensive coffee in the world is coffee beans eaten and then pooped out by a cat. It's $120 a cup. –Elevator, 7th Ave & 31st St

French Vanilla Means a Regular and a Handjob

LI girl: Wait, where’s the milk for the coffee?
Cashier: The sugar’s right here.
LI girl: No, I want milk. Don’t you have any milk in this whole place? For coffee?
Cashier: No, because you said you want regular.
LI girl: Yeah, regular — like ‘not decaf.’
Cashier: No. Regular is ‘no milk.’
LI girl: No. Black is like this — ‘no milk.’
Cashier: No. Black is ‘not hazelnut.’
Onlooker: Learn how to order or get out of the way. –Ess-a Bagel, 21st & 1st Overheard by: Jackie G

Seminal Wednesday One-liners

Hip Hop Guy on cell: I’ll just keep my nuts shaved and everything’ll be fine. –Varick Street Coffee guy on phone: I’m not talking about whacking off, I’m talking about fried chicken! –, Avenue A Overheard by: Dibson Hoffweiler