Archive for the ‘College’ Category

Wednesday How Many Liners?

Cute guy to German flight attendant on layover: So, do you have cars in Germany? –Barracuda Overheard by: barkeeper Girl: So, my mom is Jewish and my dad is Christian. Does that make me, like, bi-racial? –Eugene Lang College Overheard by: Still ashamed I go to school here Hispanic high school girl: Is the Fourth of July always on a Friday? –N Train Overheard by: D-Law Guy to friend: Well, that's nice, they have these machines set up for the visually impaired, but what about the deaf people? –ATM, 38th St & Madison Ave Overheard by: jennyooooo Student: Is Swedish even a language? –Columbia University Trucker: What are you, stupid, or both? –M86 Crosstown Bus

Hey, Bra, Check Out These Sweet Wednesday One-Liners

Frat boy: That is the last time I am *ever* jacking off to gay porn. –Gristedes, 42nd St Overheard by: …while sober or drunk? Frat boy to another frat boy staring intently at a young woman dressed as a Hogwarts student: I am really drunk! –14th St & University Place Midwest frat dude: The ugliest girls in New York City are like the hottest girls I've ever seen! –St.Marks & 3rd Ave Overheard by: slohmie Frat boy: Dude, I'm not hating -I love gay guys. All I'm saying is -they buy a lot of Kosher wine. –23rd St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Dina Frat boy: We've had sex everywhere… In cars, in public places…I've seen her vagina more times than I've seen my mother's! –Wagner College

Wednesday One-liners for Fuck Machines

Wednesday One-Liners: Fact or Fiction?

Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies. –Manhattan Theatre Source Overheard by: Emily B. Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard. –Dorm, Pratt Institute College student: Ghosts? They're like VT! –186th St & Amsterdam Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes! –Penn Station Overheard by: emily d. Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway! –Union Square Subway Entrance Overheard by: Masked Avenger

Wednesday Doesn't Eat Enough to Keep a One-Liner Alive

Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time! –Hostos Faculty Dining Room Overheard by: glad she's leaving Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream? –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then… –Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge Overheard by: allison Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits. –Upper West Side Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry. –95th & 2nd

Ditto

Guy #1: Okay…Wow…This one time in Madison I was so drunk…I was trying to get this sorority girl to come home with me and she said she would if I got rid of her ex-boyfriend (he was hanging out with us.) That’s all I remember from that night! I woke up the next morning, in bed, soaking wet, with a pulled groin muscle and scrapes all over my knees and elbows!
Guy #2: What the fuck?
Guy #1: Yeah! I had to ask around to find out what happened. Apparently, I sorta, uh, fell in the lake in Madison–I pulled my groin muscle there–then I pulled myself out and crawled home on hands and knees since I couldn’t walk.
Guy #2: What…the fuck…? –B1 bus Overheard by: Justin Fores

Wednesday One-Liners Admit Their Lives Have Become Unmanageable

Suit on cell: Never make any decisions after drinking two pitchers of beer. After the first one, I was like "okay, this is what I'm doing." But after the second one, I ended up as director of the D.C. United Way. At first, I wasn't too worried, because I figured they'd give me a drug test, and I knew I wouldn't pass. –6 Train Hopeful-looking guy to concerned-looking guy: Basically, you're not ready to be an alcoholic, so you should stay away from alcohol. –Polk St Girl to guy friend: She's a great drunk. She's probably one of the best people to hang out with when she's drunk. –Pratt Institute Overheard by: T Hawker: It's happy hour! Come on up, and I'll watch your kids while you get drunk. –Planet Hollywood Girl, during lunch: I'm not drunk anymore! –W 4th & University Place

A Valiant Knight on a Mapquest

Guy: Do you go to FDU?
Girl: No, I got to Hunter. It’s in Manhattan; have you heard of it?
Guy: No, but where is it?
Girl: Do you know the city?
Guy: Of course!
Girl: 68th and Lexington.
Guy: That’s near the Village, right?
Girl: No, it’s on the Upper East Side.
Guy: Oh. Well, I usually hang out in the Village. Down by Avenue A and Avenue B.
Girl: Um. –A train Overheard by: Brown Eyed Girl