Archive for the ‘College’ Category

Simon Cowell: Your Wednesday One-Liner Was Just Horrible!

Crazy man, singing in deep tenor voice: Meow! Meowwwwwwww! Meowwwww! Meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

–Cooper Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

White woman, singing: That's the way/uh-huh/uh-huh/I like it! Brrr! Cock-a-doodle-do!

–23rd St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Thug, quietly to friends: Daaaamn, yo! I just wanta teabag that ho! (starts singing loudly) Come back girl, I juss wanta teabag, o, I juss wanta teabag yo ass!

–Outside Tech College, 31st & 10th

Woman in bathroom stall, singing operatically: I don't have a care in the world! (sneezes) Oh my god! Damn it!

–Actor's Equity Building

Overheard by: Natalie

Boy, singing: Vagiiiiiiinas… They're eeeeverywhere, vagiiiiiinas…

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Hobo, singing: I don't neeeeed no money! (pause) Well, that's not exactly true, that's just the words to the song.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Chris K.

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now

Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

–St Mark's & Ave A

Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!

–Delancey St

Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?

–Times Square

Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.

–Jane & 4th St

Overheard by: M Tod

Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?

–The Diana Center, Barnard College

Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!

–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St

Overheard by: Allison

Abstract Expressionist Wednesday One-Liners

Woman sitting in front of bar with friends: I approached motherhood like I approached my art…

–9th St & Ave C

Overheard by: Juliet

Street artist to tourist: I don't have empathy, I paint empathy.

–Soho

Hipster arty type to another: She deserves to be roofied; her prints are horrible.

–Pratt Institute

Hipster to another, at Georgia O'Keefe exhibit: That's a lot of vaginas.

–Whitney Museum

Four-year-old boy to father, at 17th century furniture room: This place gives me the creeps!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Me too

Mother to child: I seen that picture you did of that boy kissing that girl. (pause) Darren, your art shit is going far!

–Times Square

Let's Talk About Wednesday One-Liners, Baby

Loud girl on cell: And he was like "we had sex three times, so I owe you an hour of going down on you." And I was like "okay."

–Mount Sinai School of Medicine

Overheard by: Horrified Med Student

Bro to another: Dude, she's practically paying for your train ride to have sex with you.

–W Train

College guys to another: Dude, have you fingered her yet?

–5th Ave

Attractive girl smoking and talking on the phone: Wait! Are you saying you want me to go to your hotel room… right now?

–15th St & Union Square West

Overheard by: Stephanie

Money Can't Buy Me Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell: And then she said "dammit, I'm in love with a 52-year-old gay man," and I was like "well, who isn't?"

–Astoria

Overheard by: AnotherFagHag

Man on cell: So I told her, "I missed you more than I loved you," but I didn't mean it in a bad way.

–6th Ave & 17th St

Overheard by: memzilla

Black student to black girl sitting next to him: See that's why niggas don't tell bitches they love 'em!

–St. John's University

Overheard by: naha

Thug on cell: No, no. I love your whole ass as issss.

–Broadway & Beaver

Girl to group of friends: Right, I'm so incapable of love because I think sex is gross!

–LIRR

Hot 20-something to another: Either he acts like he doesn't know me, or he is a total asshole. No wonder I'm in love with him.

–Union Square