Cute guy to German flight attendant on layover: So, do you have cars in Germany?
–Barracuda
Overheard by: barkeeper
Girl: So, my mom is Jewish and my dad is Christian. Does that make me, like, bi-racial?
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Still ashamed I go to school here
Hispanic high school girl: Is the Fourth of July always on a Friday?
–N Train
Overheard by: D-Law
Guy to friend: Well, that's nice, they have these machines set up for the visually impaired, but what about the deaf people?
–ATM, 38th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: jennyooooo
Student: Is Swedish even a language?
–Columbia University
Trucker: What are you, stupid, or both?
–M86 Crosstown Bus
Archive for the ‘Columbia University’ Category
She's Always Talking About Her Labor
Man with double-wide stroller: Everybody wants a muffin… Everybody wants a muffin, but nobody wants to work for it.
Kid: But mama does…
–Bookstore, Columbia University
Overheard by: Pat
Time for a Her Alibi Remake That Doesn't Suck
Student #1: Dyking it out with Kayla is my alibi.
Student #2: I thought it was “blowing the professor.”
Student #1: No, that's only if the first alibi fails.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Someone
Dear Letters to Penthouse…
Girl to guy: Are you drunk yet?
Guy: No.
Girl: Well, hurry up and get drunk so you can take advantage of me and my friends!
–Columbia University
“Tab A?” “Slot B?”– Nothing Fits!
Med student: I wish you were straight, so I could have sex with you right now.
Flamboyant friend, sighing: I'm not in the mood.
–Columbia University
Wednesday One-Liners Love You, Man
Drunk chick: Who wants a bite of my freak salad? Whoo!
–Hudson & W 11th
Very drunk male hipster: Whass the problem? Roofies make you goofy!
–Stanton & Allen
Wasted college girl: Guys, let's go get more drunk! I wanna get laid! (to another girl on cell) Tell your boyfriend I wanna get laid!
–115th & Broadway
Overheard by: Oh, dear.
Man of questionable sobriety: She tore off my shirt with her teeth, and then covered my chest in Jameson, licked it off, and then humped my face until I fell off the swing.
–Red Restaurant, South Street Seaport
Night-Night, Wednesday-One-Liner Tight!
20-something girl: I mean, I can always sleep on top of him.
–Strawberry's, Queens Centre Mall
Overheard by: i like that option…
Man to friend: I keep having dreams about being with other women, and I've never had them before. I think it must be the time of year or something.
–Hudson River Park
Girl on cell: Well, he slipped me Ecstasy while I was sleeping…
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Guy on cell: That's awesome! (pause) That's awesome! (pause) Dude, that's like reverse Sleepaway Camp!
–27th & 2nd
Overheard by: liz
Nurse: I just want to stop having dreams of him saying "pap-smear pap-smear pap-smear…"
–Columbia University
Overheard by: p y l
Who Says You Get a Little Something Extra with an Ivy League Education?
Guy: I just go to class and go right to sleep anyway. But god, the chairs are so uncomfortable I always have neck cramps when I wake up.
Girl: Ouch, that's so annoying!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: amalthya
But That Photo Of Us Topless Could've Been Symbolic!
Chick #1: Our hot bi love is totally on the down-low.
Chick #2: We sent out saucy Christmas cards to all of our friends!
Chick #1: Shit, I totally forgot about that!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
White People Flee the Train Before It Gets to Wednesday One-Liners
Sassy black woman: You think I would have brunch in Harlem? I wouldn't even have lunch in Harlem!
–D Train
Overheard by: laughing
Dramatic girl on cell: But I love you. I would go to Harlem and back for you!
–Starbucks
Girl: Wow, Harlem is like a cultural playground. There are stores and everything.
–Metro-North
Columbia freshman girl: I would never let anybody in Harlem touch my vagina.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meagan