Girl: And it’s so weird to ask Jews if they are German. I just feel weird doing it, because of the Nazis and all. –Columbia University Overheard by: Dan
Male student #1: It was like that movie where Reese Witherspoon gets finger-banged on the roller coaster.
Male student #2: Oh, yeah, definitely.
Overheard by: Curious, yet horrified
Girl #1: You said you wanted to castrate him…
Girl #2, interrupting: And force-feed him his own dick. Yeah. I?m beyond that point now. I still want to castrate him, but I?ll just throw it away.
Barnard girl: Yeah, so I'm minoring in African dance…
Barnard girl: And homemaking. You know, knitting an crocheting and stuff…
Barnard girl: But my major is man-hating. Hardcore man-hating.
Barnard girl: Just kidding. Math. I'm majoring in math.
–Starbucks, 113th & Broadway
Chick #1: Our hot bi love is totally on the down-low.
Chick #2: We sent out saucy Christmas cards to all of our friends!
Chick #1: Shit, I totally forgot about that!
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl on cell: Sorry I texted you when you were giving birth.
–27th St & Park Ave
20-something girl: I kept saying, "I emailed a text to him!"
–Pub, 59th & 3rd
Overheard by: Bluetoothed them a postcard
20-something girl correcting her friend's text message: No, you don't need an apostrophe there. It's "hos," plural, not "of or pertaining to a ho."
Overheard by: Lauren
Guy with suitcase on cell: I sent him a text asking if I could stay at his place, and he said sure. I find out today he was being sarcastic.
–116th & Broadway
Student: Okay, it's 3:20. I think it's an appropriate time to text Ben and tell him I had a sex dream about him.
–Sarah Lawrence College
Overheard by: Anna
Teen boy: I like touching fat people.
–69th St & 5th Ave, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Jon A.
Guy to friends: So I was on the subway the other day and I was counting some guys’ chins and I realized, I’m just not a nice person.
Overheard by: CUMT
Large black woman on cell: Of course I’m loud, I’m fat!
–25th & 8th
Overheard by: Beckerman
Chick to guy: I’m thinking of keeping it, as an excuse to get fat.
Overheard by: Ladle
30-something with heavy NYC accent: Ya know, if I had to do high school all over again, I woulda fucked a fat chick. I wouldna cared so much.
–34th & 5th
Man yelling on cell: I would be so much better at Jeopardy then her! Her fat Indian hands can’t hit the button as fast as I can!
–35rd St & 5th Ave
Female house manager: He comes over and he’s like: "What are you doing?" and I said: "My job." and he goes: "You’re fat."
–Theater, St Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Mariah
Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.
Overheard by: rafa
Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.
–Wollman Rink, Central Park
Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?
–Hard Rock Cafe
Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.
Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely
Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!
–Union Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Rachel K
Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.
Film professor: What kind of movie causes a bodily reaction?
Film professor: And what does pornography cause your body to produce?
Student, after long pause: Bodily… fluids?
Film professor: Otherwise known as… Cum!
Columbia nerd: I feel weird just knocking on the door and asking if he’s there.
Friend: That’s not weird though?
Columbia nerd: But they’re all hipsters and full of attitude and judgment. Those people intimidate me.
–Columbia University Campus
Overheard by: Mark Hussa