Archive for the ‘Columbia’ Category

I'm Not a Wednesday One-Liner — You're a Turkey!

Hootchie, about subway smell: It smells like gooood chicken in here. Like McDonald's. –86th St Subway Platform Overheard by: EthanK Barnard girl, indignantly: Chickens don't have thighs! –Columbia University Overheard by: The Thighless Wonder Kid to friends: Oh, shit! I forgot there's a chicken in my backpack! –Canal St Subway Station Overheard by: Mel Cracked out lady on one crutch to cashier: Do you guys still carry like, hamburgers and chicken sandwiches and stuff? –McDonald's Overheard by: Ben Perspiring panhandler on definitely non-organic substances holding a can and singing: I love chickennn…chicken breastsss and thighhhs…chicken heads…mmmmmmm…I love them goooood (keeps going) Thank you. (extends his can for donations) –7 Train Overheard by: OG Bergenfield Woman on phone with friend: I mean he wouldn't even cut my chicken in half for me at dinner. I was all givin' him shit for it. We got in this fight and I told him, "That's what people do to show each other that they care! They cut each other's chicken in half or make them a can of soup or whateva'!" You know what I'm sayin'? –88th St & Broadway

Do You Take This Wednesday to Be Your Lawfully Wedded One-Liner?

Grad student: Translation: Will you marry me? Or: I don’t want germs. –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Dude: … My wedding [mumble] gonna take away my clothes, so I’m going to need a tear-away tuxedo. –53rd & Broadway Overheard by: Jo Chick to another: Yeah, he’s the one who wouldn’t marry her because she was too pale. –Starbucks Blonde: … And I’m really not sure, because he said he shouldn’t unless we are married, but that it’s okay, we could just do it and then he could just confess his sins or something like that… –Broadway & Prince Overheard by: Dan Lesbian to group: So, what is the reason behind getting married, besides pretending to be heterosexual? Exactly — presents! –Party, Brooklyn Overheard by: Jude

… Ma’am

Lady: Contrary to what you may think about your mom, she did a good job teaching you manners.
Man: Fuck you. –33rd & Park Overheard by: Erik

Pretty Much Covers It

Chick #1: So, what are you going to talk about?
Chick #2: What’s there to talk about? The weather? Craigslist prostitution? That’s all I have on my mind these days. –Columbia University Overheard by: gotta love those elevator convos

Cheech & Chong’s Wednesday One-Liners, Man

Queer: When I get stoned, my grundle itches. –6 train Overheard by: sheerah Street vendor, gesturing to enormous bong: No, no…this one is for tobacco. –St. Mark’s Elderly man: People are stupid! They don’t do pot! –R train Stoned guy: Man, why do chip manufacturers always put the crumbs at the bottom of the bag? –Columbia University Overheard by: bernard black Teenage gangsta: Yo, when I was in the shower, it totally tasted like weed. For real. –Lafayette & Houston Passenger: If you see a suspicious package or activity on the platform or train, don’t keep it to yourself. Tell a cop or an MTA employee or me. There might be some money or some weed in there. –4 train Overheard by: Mike Long-haired dude, picking up a cigarette butt: Man, that’s not what I wanted to smoke. –72nd & Columbus Overheard by: clarence rosario