Loser: You know what’s funny? I’m actually more creative when I have thumbnails.
Artist (overhearing him, under her breath): Then you’re not that creative.
–Holiday Markets, Union Square
Archive for the ‘Comebacks’ Category
Getting Served Left and Right
Teen subway dancer: Why you opening your mouth? No one’s talking to you.
Kid subway dancer: That’s why I got a mouth. So I can talk.
Teen subway dancer: I don’t like nosey niggers.
Kid subway dancer: At least I don’t sleep outside!
–D Train
Kids These Days, I Tell Ya…
Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!
Kid #2: “Bam” doesn’t blow up, “bam” makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can’t defeat that!
–6 Train
Hopefully He’ll Read This and Feel Guilty
Woman: My dad controls all the money in the house, to the point where if my mom wants to go shopping she has to talk to him. She’d said, ‘You really need to go to the grocery. Your daughter only had a protein shake to eat today.’ He said, ‘Well, she needs to lose weight anyway.’ It’s crazy. That’s the kind of shit we had to deal with growing up. –29th & Park
I Learned By Watching You
Gay man #1: You should stop doing coke and just do ecstasy, because the coke makes you a shady bitch.
Gay man #2: Are you on coke right now?
–East Village
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Those Crazy Pro-life Republicans
Woman: Yeah…and I told my mother, “Sorry, but you can’t abort a 28-year-old fetus.” –1/9 Train Overheard by: Stephanie
The Episode Of Sliders That Left Everyone Bored
Short Asian man to tall black man: You play basketball?
Tall black man: You fix computers?
–Starbucks
…I'm Glad You Were Having Fun
Man #1: Hey man! I thought you were doing 30 years?!
Man #2: That was 30 years!
–Hamilton Heights
Parent-Teacher Conferences Must Be Fun
Guy: My dad doesn't drink any more.
Friend: Yeah, he just does acid.
Guy: Tons.
–D Train
When He Caught an Episode Of The Bad Girls' Club, He Went Into a Coma.
Woman, as train stops: Mmm-mm… Excuse you!
Younger man: Huh?
Woman: You cut in front of me.
Younger man: How did I cut in front of you? You get up, and the people closer to the door go first. Like on a plane.
Woman: You cut in front of me, and a gentleman never cuts in front of a lady.
Younger man: Right. And a lady doesn't go “mmm-mm… Excuse you!”
–Grand Central Platform