Archive for the ‘Comebacks’ Category

… Or a Swift Punch in the Mouth? Choose Wisely.

Guy: I’ll buy M&Ms.
Kid selling candy: Two dollars.
Guy: So, what year are you in school, bro?
Kid selling candy: Two dollars.
Guy: Do you like school? Are you doing well?
Kid selling candy: [Silence.]
Guy: Well, when I was your age, I didn’t like school either, but just hang in there. Look at me — I worked hard and got to play college football.
Kid selling candy: Do you want the M&Ms?

–Sheep Meadow

I Did Get Drilled at Victoria’s Secret Once

Girl #1: I hope if I ever go back to London, I run into that French guy I hooked up with last time.
Girl #2: Well, maybe when you go back you’ll meet a new French guy.
Girl #1: Looking specifically to meet French guys in London? I dunno, that seems like looking to buy a bra in a hardware store.
Girl #2: Yeah, but imagine you find that perfect B-cup in amongst the drills and such.

–C train