Archive for the ‘Comedians’ Category

At Least Wednesday One-Liners Are Pretty

Girl to friend: I wonder what’s the difference between hard tacos and soft tacos.

–Line at Taco Bell, Queens Mall Food Court

Overheard by: NTA

Guy talking to his friend: I don’t believe there is a first time for everything, but I do think there is a first time for anything.

–2nd St & Ave B

Overheard by: Max Berlinger

Girl on cell in hallway: She told me to get bacterial soap.

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Overheard by: Krisztina ,who uses anti-bacterial

Subway comedian: My wife is so stupid. I told her to take the 2 train, she took the 1 twice. [Awkward silence follows. Comedian proceeds to dance around a subway pole pretending to be a stripper.]

–1 Train

Overheard by: Subway rider

Guy on cell: Dude, you’ve got to stop doing this "living paycheck to paycheck" thing because every time you get a check it’s like an emotional highway.

–Columbia University Campus

Overheard by: Alina

College girl, after closing a Nutella jar: I solved it! I solved the puzzle!

–Broome St

Overheard by: YJL

Vendsday One-Liners

Perfume guy: Gucci! Gucci! Gucci’ll get you a hoochie!

–Macy’s

Overheard by: alison

Woman selling belongings on street: Look here, deodorant! Brand new! One dollar.

–44th, between Lex & 3rd

Hawker with "Cheney/Satan ’08" bumper stickers: Inappropriate stickers here!

–Outside Grand Central

Musician to passerby eating cookie: If you like cookies, you’ll love my new album!

–9th & 6th

Overheard by: Gil

AM New York lady to another: Bitch, don’t be comin’ over here! AM New York, people — get your AM New York! Fuck you, you bitch, I been here since seven AM every day this week. Don’t be givin’ me that shit. Get your lazy ass off my corner ‘fore I cut you! Fuck you, bitch! Fuck you! AM New York, people, AM New York…

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BJ

Comedy hawker: Free bag of marijuana with your purchase! Yaaay!

–43rd & 7th

Overheard by: Sarah R

Wednesday One-Liners Are on Red Alert

Guy accepting donations: Help feed the homeless! Even terrorists can help feed the homeless!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: sugar ray mcgrath Hobo: If you see an unattended bag or package, please report it to the nearest New York Police Officer or MTA worker. If one is not around, tell me. I’ll open that shit up. –4 train, Fulton St Overheard by: Laura Hobo, to tourist family taking group photo: Terrorist! Terrorist! Terrorist!

–C Train, 72nd St

Overheard by: Barry P. British tourist: But there were two Empire State buildings, right? That fell? –WTC site Overheard by: J Bird Girl: Last night, I was so drunk I forgot about 9/11.

–NYU

Overheard by: Bronwyn Lady to nervous woman: Can I ask you a question? I ain’t a terrorist or nothin’. I’m from New Haven. –111th & Broadway Overheard by: Fudd British bloke: You mean they don’t have any missiles here, in Manhattan? –Grand & Broadway Overheard by: jcm