Archive for the ‘Compare/Contrast’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners from H-E Double Hockey Sticks

Guy looking at books, to no one in particular: I don’t want to hear or see anything about the devil, demons, voodoo or big hairy black guys. –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: 153 Guy hawking pamphlets: How to sucker punch the devil right in the ass! –W 12th & Brodway Overheard by: Why didn’t I get that pamphlet?! Coworker about colleague: Every time he comes by here the number 666 comes up. –1250 Broadway Punk kid, walking past a group of nuns: Hail Satan! –Waverly & Greene Professor: I don’t want to be saved, I want to go to hell. I’ll meet interesting people there! –Cooper Union, Astor Place Overheard by: Hopefully not me! Crazy older lady screaming on cell: You what? You are buying soda? You are going to go to fucking hell! Don’t you remember the promise you made to god? You’re probably standing in line with some goddamn candy too. You are going to hell! –W Train Overheard by: DR G LUV

Tonight's Movie: When Brian Met Suzie

20-something hipster boyfriend: Are you attracted to Brian?
20-something hipster girlfriend: No.
20-something hipster boyfriend: I don't believe you.
20-something hipster girlfriend: Okay, well, I can't really say anything that would convince you, except… Me being attracted to your friend Brian is just as likely as you being attracted to my friend Suzie.
20-something hipster boyfriend: Fuck! No! Okay, I believe you. –2 Train Overheard by: emily darwin

In Wednesday One-Liners We Trust

Hipster chick: Popping a blister is like smacking god in the face! –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Alice Homeless man on train begging for money by telling jokes: A black man and a white man go into a bar. They get into a fight with each other. And then they die. And then they go to heaven and god says to them: "What it is… what it is!" –1 Train Overheard by: Kristin Girl to friend: I’m gonna have to get ghetto on god! –61st & Broadway Overheard by: lizzerd Homeless man says to homeless woman: Now, these people are trying to hoodwink god! –Seventh Ave & Lincoln Place, Park Slope Overheard by: Annie Professor to students: God is not a drug dealer! –Fordham University

More Like the Martha Stewart, but Why Quibble?

Guy #1: I want to finish on a girl's face one time man, that would be sic!
Guy #2: Amy told me I could do it to her once.
Guy #1: Are you serious!?? I never thought Amy was that hot, but fuck, she just moved up in my books. Was it good?
Guy #2: I couldn't do it. I would do it to a random chick, but not my girlfriend. Every time I kissed her I would only ever think, her face was decorated with my cum.
Guy #1, laughing: Decorated! You sound like the Santa Claus of porn. –Lower East Side

Wednesday One-Liner, Huh! What Is It Good For?

JAP on cell: If more people wore glitter there would no war. –Therapy Store Crazy old guy: I want a dog for president. You know why? Dogs don't start wars. –31St & Ditmars, Astoria Overheard by: Randi and Patrick (at an anti-war rally)
Street vendor: Say no to war, say yes to Louis Vuitton! –Midtown Overheard by: Oh the irony 50-something guy on cell: You see, we are a military agency, not a government agency. (pause) So when I punched out that Homeland Security guy, I punched out a civilian. –Union Square Park Overheard by: Ksenia Eight-year-old boy: I dare you to fight in the civil war! –7 Train