Businessman #1: Hey man, guess what I just found out? Martin is a robot!
Businessman #2: I always thought so. At least he’s a good robot.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Archive for the ‘Compare/Contrast’ Category
Hold the Mayo
Woman: Having sex with him was the same as eating a slice of plain Wonder bread while looking in the window of a Crate and Barrel. –York & 70th
Because She Peed on the Rug?
Guy: I massaged this girl today. She might as well have been a shar-pei. –Restivo’s, 22nd and 7th Overheard by: Steven Coombs
That Is Happy!
Hobo: Damn, that nigga be happier than a faggot in a bag of dick. –125th & Lexington
I Go to Church to Pick Up Couples
GOP Chick #1: It’s not so much the church as the people.
GOP Chick #2: What’s wrong with the people?
GOP Chick #1: There’s a lot of singles.
–New York Young Republicans Party, Flatiron District
Are You Listening, “Xtina”?
Girl: You have got to go inside and tell my boyfriend not to get the nose ring. A real one’s OK, but a fake is just stupid. –St. Mark’s Place
I Learned By Watching You
Gay man #1: You should stop doing coke and just do ecstasy, because the coke makes you a shady bitch.
Gay man #2: Are you on coke right now?
–East Village
Overheard by: Tibbie X
…And Now, All the Bag Jews Follow Me
Stewardess: Please keep all your bags underneath the seat in front of you, cause I’m the bag Nazi and I’ll come back and yell at you! –Plane, LaGuardia
Sand to the Beach
Playa on cell: I know there will. That’s why I’m not bringin’ my shortie. You don’t bring sand to the beach, playa. Huh-huh. –Stanton + Forsythe, LES Overheard by: Cityrag.com (Hi, Buddy!)
Just tell him “PLUCK U”! It’s the name of your fucking store!
Crazy customer: So you’re the manager?
Manager: That’s right.
Crazy customer: OK, then I needed to talk to you. Now, I’m not trying to get anyone in trouble. But this order is for my boss and she’s a flat out bitch.
Manager: OK…
Crazy customer: The last time I was here, I ordered your boneless wings. And I got buffalo wings.
Manager: Wow, I’m sorry about that.
Crazy customer: Then I’ve got to go back to the office and hear about it. And your man there wasn’t being helpful at all.
Manager: Well, try to put yourself in his shoes. Sometimes things get really busy and you can get swamped being the only guy at the register, and maybe you’re not as polite as you should be.
Crazy customer: I worked at Wendy’s, McDonald’s AND Kentucky Fried Chicken at the Junction. I took a lot of crap from general managers.
Manager: Right.
Crazy customer: If someone wanted their sandwich upside down, that’s how I gave it to them. I got buffalo wings and then I’ve got to eat it. I don’t want them!
Manager: Well, here’s your order. Thanks for saying something.
Crazy customer: So this is ten boneless wings?
Manager: Yes.
Crazy customer: Thanks. I didn’t want to get anyone in trouble. It’s just that I’m going to hear it from her if it’s wrong, and she’s a bitch. She just called me and she wanted me to get her to downtown Brooklyn in an hour. Excuse me? Do I have a rocketship?
Manager: Right, right.
Crazy customer: So these aren’t buffalo wings, right?
Manager: Ten boneless wings with bleu cheese.
–Pluck U., East Village