Archive for the ‘Compare/Contrast’ Category

Newsflash: Sketchy Man Hangs Out in Sex Shop. Film at 11.

Middle Eastern man to register girl at sex shop: You have most beautiful eyes in Manhattan.
Register girl: Um, thanks.
Middle Eastern man: You look like European girl.
Register girl: I get that a lot.
Middle Eastern man: Let's go out for drink tonight.
Register girl: No.
Middle Eastern man: Okay, thank you!

–Sex Shop, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Nanda

The Country Finally Gets the Wednesday One-Liner It Deserves

20-something guy to five-year-old boy: No, Wolverine and Barack Obama are not the same person.

–Hudson Park Soccer Pitch

Overheard by: Kelli Jo

Swag guy: Get your Obama condoms, put it on when times get hard.

–7th Ave & 47th St

Overheard by: Oh no he didn't….

Hobo on train: Look at these two girls! If we get married we can make another Obama!

–4 Train

Cute boy: Captain Kirk is the Bush to Picard's Obama.

–Kent Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Trekkie

Diner to companion: Since Obama's been President, North Korea has fired like two missiles. They're testing his foreign policy, uh, you know, they're testing his gallstones.

–Teddy's Restaurant, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ken Yapelli

Sock street vendor to passersby: Socks! One dollar, one dollar! One dollar!
(nobody pays attention) Socks! One dollar! Obama! One dollar! Obama! (a few pedestrians stop to browse through his socks)

–New Chinatown, Flushing, Queens

Wednesday One-Liners Run the Other Underground Railroad

Conductor: This is the 3:07 off peak train to Huntington. Stopping at Woodside, Jamaica, New Hyde Park…blah, blah, blah, you get the idea. Watch the gap. (clicks microphone off)

–LIRR

Conductor: There's a 2 express train right across the platform. Ready, set, go!

–1 Train

Conductor: There's a Brighton Beach-bound b train across the platform. Say that three times fast.

–F Train

Overheard by: Thom Cohen

Conductor: Ladies and gentleman, I have a very important announcement: this is not the last helicopter out of Saigon. I repeat, this is not the last helicopter out of Saigon. There will be another train after this one, and another one after that.

–Downtown 2 Train

Train conductor: This message is for the young man who stepped to the edge of the platform at the front of the train. This train feels no pain, this train has no brain. How about you?

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Guitarbuyer

Bus driver: This is East 18th Street. If you get off here, you'll be at the q train faster. If you choose to not use your god-given walking ability, the q train is next.

–B11 Bus

Overheard by: not using her god given walking ability

Conductor: This is 96th Street. Next stop, 103rd. Everyone ready? And away we go!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ali

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle and Snort

Nerdy serious white guy: See, that's what's great about going to Afghanistan. I'm no good at talking to women.

–N Train

Overheard by: annearchist

Nerd walking into archaeology class from noisy hallway: Do you hear the roman legion?

–Hunter College

Nerdy guy on cell: Yeah, she's an exhibitionist. She needs to be punished, but who's going to do it?

–JCPenny

Geeky Korean kid outside high school: I'm not really bad. I'm, like, medium-bad. You know, like, bad… But still good.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Samantha

Nerd to another: Your entire belief system is based on the rotundity of Darth Vader… That is a farce.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Nicole