Archive for the ‘Compliments’ Category

Jason Concluded That Very Little of This Was About Him

Sobbing woman: I can’t believe he never called me back! And to think I gave him a chance!
Short friend: I bet he’s just sidetracked, give him some time!
Tall friend: Or maybe he’s with another woman!
Short friend: Oh, don’t think that! You beautiful, and smart, and… (cellphone rings)
Sobbing woman: (looks at phone) Who the fuck is Jason? (answers phone) Hello? Oh, hi Jason, this is Melinda*, remember? I went on a date with you last week! I’d just like to say, thanks for fucking my friend!

–49th & Lexington

Are You a Boy, a Girl, or a Wednesday One-Liner?

Guy to three cute girls: You’re the best looking gay guys I’ve seen all day!

–Christopher & Bedford

Chick to dude: You could wear a dress if you wanted to.

–Broadway

Abercrombie tot: Wait, you can’t carry a boy dog in a purse. That’s unnatural!

–Penn Station

Tween girl to friends: No, she’s a boy now and she looks gay.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: R

Cute brunette: Who am I, forcing your lovers into a male-female dichotomy? I am terrible!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy