Archive for the ‘Compliments’ Category

It’s Part of the Elementary School Curriculum Here in New York

Drunken friend #1: That guy at the bar was hot. You totally should’ve taken him home.
Drunken friend #2: Why me? Let her (points to drunken friend #3) take him home.
Drunken friend #3 (trying to be discreet): Ummmm excuse me? I don’t need a man. I have d-i-c-k at home.
Drunken friend #2: Uhh, the rest of the train can figure out what you just spelled. –Crowded 6 Train Overheard by: ear hustler

WOLing Me Softly

Grandma to kid: It’s really hard to kill people, you know. –West Village (20-something sits down and stretches his arms out in a yawn)
Man sitting one seat away: If you touch my leg I’ll kill you. –1 Train Middle-aged beefcake on phone: Oh yeah? Well he’s not trying anymore because he’s dead. –42nd & Lex Overheard by: bildita Suit on cell: He was a great guy, until he decided to kill someone. –Smith & Wollensky Loud woman on payphone (very angrily): Well what the fuck am I supposed to do with her? Mausoleum? What? What the fuck? –96th & Madison Overheard by: grateful undead Seven-year-old black boy: I’m goin’ to Iraq, to kill Obama! –125th & Amsterdam Overheard by: The Drummey

I Know We Work on the First Floor, But It Would Be So Embarassing for Her

Lady suit: I mean, if she got hit by a bus or something and he was grieving and I brought over a casserole, he would totally fall in love with me.
Suit #1: It would have to be a damn good casserole.
Lady suit: I make a damn good casserole–have you never had my casserole?
Suit #2: Maybe we should invite her over to the office and have a party on the balcony, and then we can all bump into her at the same time and push her off. –Lincoln Plaza Cinemas Overheard by: indie movie girl

Jason Concluded That Very Little of This Was About Him

Sobbing woman: I can’t believe he never called me back! And to think I gave him a chance!
Short friend: I bet he’s just sidetracked, give him some time!
Tall friend: Or maybe he’s with another woman!
Short friend: Oh, don’t think that! You beautiful, and smart, and… (cellphone rings)
Sobbing woman: (looks at phone) Who the fuck is Jason? (answers phone) Hello? Oh, hi Jason, this is Melinda*, remember? I went on a date with you last week! I’d just like to say, thanks for fucking my friend! –49th & Lexington