Archive for the ‘Compliments’ Category

Do Girls Ever Wednesday One-Liner?

Hobo to passer-by: Arrrr! I'm a fart knocker!

–7th Ave & 25th St

Bimbette: Wow! I ate olives today and I didn't fart!

–L Train

Girl to friend: She farts makeup! She's so glamorous!

–Deli

Overheard by: Straining to hear the rest of the conversation…

30-something tall woman to friend: I used to live in three houses. Now I live in a closet. It's so small that I have to hang my parakeet out the window just to take a fart!

–Ave B & 3rd St

Overheard by: Mike

Older Greek lady to friend: I don't know Celia. I think it is better for everyone if I have gas.

–Astoria

Overheard by: David

I Went to NYC and All I Got Was This Rash

Drunk tourist flirt: It was verrry nice meeting you all, and I hope to see you all again real soon! [Shakes hands with local teens, then leaves.]
Local teen, to friends: Yo, she wanna fuck e’rybody!

–4 train

Overheard by: Not Me

Headline by: VeggieGirl

Runners-Up:
· “As If We Need to Import That or Something” – gib

· “I Went to NY and All I Got Was Bukkake” – Ken H.
· “Reader Survey
: Britney, Paris, or Lindsey? Vote Now!” – Fleetline

· “She Ran Out Of Folks to Fuck Back in Iowa.” – Redneck Jedi
· “Southern Hospitality Is the Shizzle” – The Heiress


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Third-Wave Feminism Has Been Something Of a Disappointment

Brunette: You and your boyfriend make a cute couple!
Blonde: Ugh! Why do people keep saying that?
Brunette: So why are you with him?
Blonde: Well, you know… Whenever I need a little… (gestures “cash”)
Brunette: Oh! Did I tell you about sugardaddy.com?
Blonde: I made a profile yesterday!
Brunette: Yes!
(girls laugh and high-five)

–6 Train

Overheard by: poor guy

Wednesday One-Liners Have the Rainbow Connection

Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don't know if I can lead the committee anymore, 'cause I've got my gay male privilege.

–W 13th St

Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C'mon, help support the people that made your clothes!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: You mean 10-year olds in Honduras?

Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she's already got her gaydar on.

–4 Train

Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome.

–Christopher St

Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass.

–Times Square

11-year-old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister.

–Bronx Playground

Black guy: I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I love guys!

–Union St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn

It Deserves a Hand.

Blonde #1: So my seventy-year-old father-in-law looks at porn!
Blonde #2: So what?
Blonde #3: Yeah, that just means he's a heterosexual guy.
Blonde #1: But that totally changes my opinion about moving into their place when we sell ours. I don't even want to touch his mouse!
Blonde #3: I'm sure he doesn't use the same hand.
Blonde #2: Yeah, you don't switch off like that.
Blonde #3: Yeah, he probably mouses with the right hand and jerks it with the left!
(silence)
Blonde #2
: That was the best thing I've ever heard.


–105th St & Broadway