Archive for the ‘Compliments’ Category

Cue Fade Out to R. Kelly Waking Up

High school girl #1: Rachel*, do you really find that man attractive?
High school girl #2: His personality is perfect!
High school girl #1: He is 50 years old!
High school girl #2: So?
High school girl #3: Yeah, I second that: so what? –Central Park Headline by: Tom Runners-Up:
· “His Money Doesn’t Look a Day Over 20” – Nik
· “Mr. Belding Only Got Better with Age” – RBNY
· “Now, Let’s Make a Pact to Be Impregnated by Him…” – T
· “Who Says Santa Can’t Be a Babe Magnet?” – Nael B
· “You Might Want to Check the Expiration Date on That Personality” – kenderbard
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Who Says Romance Is Dead?

Wasted guy: Hi.
Cute girl: Hi.
Wasted guy: What are you doing? You look hot bending over like that.
Girl: Um, well, I'm looking for my jacket.
Wasted guy: Huh! I have a better idea. (slight pause) Why don't you come home with me and sit on my face?
(long, long, shocked pause)
Girl: You know what… you find my jacket, and then we'll talk about it. –Tin Lizzie, Upper East Side Overheard by: tinajane

PETA Filed a Friend-of-the-Court Brief, to No Avail

Guy: How was the weekend? Were the kids well-behaved?
Woman: It was fine, they were great.
Guy: How was Max at night? He sometimes gets lonely and starts crying.
Woman: Hmm, I don’t know. I locked them out of my room.
Guy, yelling: You what?!? How could you? You know how they are at night!
Woman, unruffled: They are pets. Not kids. Pets. And I don’t sleep with dogs that weigh more than I do. –Starbucks, 20th St & 6th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Lead with Their Nipples

12-year-old girl to friend: So, he asked me for a piggyback ride and grabbed onto my boobs! Isn’t that what you call sexism? When you’re a perv? Sexist? –6th & Houston Overheard by: Ha, ha, Mal. Man on cell: You’re an eight, but you’d be a ten if your boobs were bigger… –19th & 7th Girl: Where’s my phone? … Oh, there’s my boob. –Prospect Heights, Brooklyn Overheard by: Mariah Woman on cell: I have to throw my breasts around and tell every guy I want to have sex with them at work. –68th & 2nd Chick on cell: I haven’t yet met him, you know, but he has a Christmas card featuring my boobies on his fridge. –LIRR Overheard by: Ladle