Archive for the ‘Computer’ Category

But I Got Them Before They Were Cool

Excited teen: Danny! Check out my new MacBook Pro!
Danny: Wow, a Mac? So, now what? You’re going to buy black-rimmed glasses, a shirt from Urban Outfitters, and the new Franz Ferdinand CD?
Excited teen: But… You already have all that stuff. –Columbia

Wednesday One-Liners Are Always PC

Young teen girl: I've done cybersex so often I forgot how to type with two hands. –A Train Suit on cell: I have nothing to blog about. I have nothing to video blog about. Man, yesterday I had to force myself to tweet! –Uptown 4 Train Overheard by: cowgirly Girl selling peaches to another: Yeah, my dad was so unsympathetic when I told him my computer crashed that I went straight to the Apple store and charged a new hard drive to his credit card. I was really proud of myself. –Fort Greene Farmers Market Overheard by: Morning Glory Teenage girl to friend: I don't see why we're even here. We could see all this stuff on the internet for free. –Metropolitan Museum Overheard by: Derek

Wednesday On-Liners

Chick on cell: Why did you tell dad about that?…Well, he was going to find out sooner or later when he saw me on the website. –Union Square Female midget: Yeah, they’re installing the internet in my new apartment and apparently they need a computer. –Elevator, ABC building, 66th St Overheard by: Mojosaves World traveler: Really, you can get anything on the streets of Bangkok. Thai prostitutes, smoothies, passport pictures…It’s like Craigslist. –20th & 8th Overheard by: laughing out loud Catholic school girl on cell: Danny, it’s me. I have some bad news. We’re on a break. Call me back when you get this message….[Hangs up and redials] Maria! What am I going to do about my MySpace?! –4th Ave Overheard by: Joe Blonde on cell: Seriously, I love you, but…Seriously…Seriously, you’re an asshole. You’re a dick! Why didn’t you just tell me the fucking truth!…Well, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I posted those pictures on MySpace, but…Well, be a fucking man about it and tell me the fucking truth then!…Seriously, I love you. –23rd & 8th Overheard by: wild dog boy Loud guy on cell: So how do I get this done? Do I go on the internet or something?… I want to be able to print my own bounty hunter license immediately. –11th & 6th Suit: When I was working for my old company, all we would do is download porn. –Grand & Varick

And All This Time I Thought It Was a Compatibility Issue

Semi-irate customer: You mean all you did was swap out the USB cable?
Apple store guy: I guess the old girl just likes some new cable once in a while. –Apple Store, West 14th Headline by: g Runners-Up:
· “…and If Your Feeling Adventurous, Try the Firewire Port.” – You might need some plugins first though…
· “And Occasionally a Bigger Hard Drive” – Chris
· “How Steve Jobs Talks Raunchy” – Julia
· “Now Take Her Home, Boot Her Up and Give a Little Wine and TLC Before You Go Trying to Violate All Her Ports Again.” – Gabbertoons
· “Too Many and She’ll Get a Virus” – Henk
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Where's a Wednesday One-Liner When You Need One?

Cop: Man, I'm computer illiterate… That's why the NYPD is perfect for me. –Police Precinct, Bronx Overheard by: afrocurl Cop car to man in the street, after using sirens: How stupid are you? Move out of the way!
(crowd cheers) –Thompson & Bleecker Overheard by: onlycoolcop Loudspeaker on police car to pedestrian: What are you doing!? –Houston & Broadway Woman with missing teeth, grabbing tourist and yelling: I'm not a cop! I'm a ho! –42nd & 8th Overheard by: Jo Ann Chism

Ouch, That Irony Smarts.

Guido #1, in thick Staten Island accent: Yo, yo bro, I found this thing on Word, it makes you sound smarter.
Guido #2 in same accent: No way, bro! What is it?
Guido #1: I don't know, it's this thing, you click it and it gives you all these words that make you sound smarter.
Guido #2: What's it called?
Guido #1: Sin… Sinono… Sino-somethin, but I swear to god, bro; it makes you sound smarter. –St John's University, Staten Island Overheard by: Not from Staten Island

Wednesday One-Liners Haven’t Met Most Of Their Friends

Yuppie: I don’t google enough. –F Train, 7th Ave Overheard by: imaginexrach Girl on cell: Not being on Facebook is ruining my life! –NYU Bus Overheard by: Asian Kid Assistant on phone, about her 17-year-old daughter’s MySpace page: I find it interesting that she and her friend Shannon have the same friend listed. Some 32-year-old guy in California named Tom! –Office on 42nd & Madison Overheard by: herspace Man: I’m going to go home and e-mail some shameless bitches. –8th St & Broadway Grad student at computer, dolefully: Without right-click I just don’t know what to do with the world. –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle