Archive for the ‘Condoms’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Fail the Purity Test

Girl: I’m done with threesomes. Someone always gets hurt. It’s four-gies only from now on. –Duane Reade, 32nd & Broadway Overheard by: Jaina Wald Man on cell: You got the what? The what? So you got the queen-sized bed!! You whore! You whore! –Wall & Water Overheard by: Aubrie Man: Hey, anyone want to go to an orgy? –Central Park Loud teen boy: Dad, do we need condoms? –Pharmacy, 82nd & Columbus Girl on cell: Well it’s not even like anyone there had any real porn background! –Union Square Overheard by: Natalie Guy on stoop: Dude! I did not give that girl VD. –22nd & Broadway Loud female suit: Well, at least he wasn’t sleeping with an intern! –45th & Lex Preppy girl on cell: Hey, girly, I got myself two tickets for us to go to the Dominican Republic for next week, and you know what that means: 7 days of Dominican cock. Yum! –34th St Overheard by: naidababy

Magnum Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: This sounds weird, but I’ve got enough condoms to fill up a piñata. –Bike shop Overheard by: Ken Chick on cell: She had a condom stuck in her for four days! –92nd & Columbus Overheard by: Erin 20-ish male: Okay, who put a condom in my iced latte? –Ozzie’s Coffee House, Park Slope Old guy on cell: No, honey, it’s unsanitary to buy condoms on eBay. –34th & 7th Overheard by: Sam Fat lady tourist to friend: Hey, I should’ve brang those condoms with us to get rid of them. –4 train

It's Wednesday One-Liners, Paleface!

Guy to friend: When Obama wins, I'm going to slap a white person. –Central Park Bench Overheard by: Lane Lady getting sprayed with perfume by her friend: Stop. Stop it! You gonna make me smell like white people. –East Drive, Prospect Park Overheard by: White smelly jogger Black gay man sans shirt, upon seeing group of white girls wandering: Oh my god, white girls! Oh, I didn't mean it like that. –Christopher St Gentleman walking past Miss Mamie's Spoonbread Too restaurant: Man, black people eating tofu, white people eating spoonbread… –W 110th & Columbus Gingy, referring to ebony colored condoms: This way, when I fuck a white boy he'll still be black! –E Broadway 99 Cent Store Black lady in african garb: Too many white flower! Need more black power! (the only white girl around looks up confusedly, now black lady screams in her face) White flower! –125th & Adam Clayton Powell Overheard by: Ruby

Maybe She's Born with It? Maybe It's Wednesday One-Liner.

Guy preaching on subway: I noticed I would always get hit on by beautiful women when I was with a woman, so I started hanging out with lesbians, and now we pick up women together. –1 Train Overheard by: Alexis Panhandler going through train: God bless you, will anyone spare some money? God bless you, damm! You have a pretty white girlfriend. –6 Train Overheard by: Jackie Woman giving out free loot: You girls are so pretty, want some condoms? –Grand Central Station Hobo: Why do rich men get to marry all the pretty girls, kill them, and get away with it? –125th St Trashed girl, coming out of bathroom: I hate when guys say, "you're pretty enough." –Bar 9, 54th & 9th Overheard by: Ladle Big slobby schlub, loudly talking to buddy: So, she was about to become another disposable pretty girl. –W 66th St Overheard by: Susan Volchok Rambling crazy man: All of you women look beautiful, but in the end, y'all still have to take a shit! –L Train Overheard by: The City Planner

She’s the Cob, and They’re the Cornholders

Girl: There’s a Duane Reade.
Guy #1: What do we need a Duane Reade for?
Girl: If we’re gonna do this, you guys both have to be wearing condoms. –84th & Broadway Suit #1: But what happens if our cocks accidentally touch?
Suit #2: Well…we’re both adults, we’ll just have to deal with it. –52nd & Lexington