Archive for the ‘Conductors’ Category

God That Felt Good. I’m Shivering Here

Conductor over loud speaker: In case you didn’t stop to look at what train this is, listen up, because I’m telling you now. This is the C Train. This train will be running express from here to Canal Street. I repeat: This train is running express from here to Canal Street. If you need to get to a local stop in between, you must go to 14th Street and take the C uptown. Uptown trains are stopping at all stations. Next stop: 42nd Street.
Teen girl, as train approaches 42nd: Excuse me, is this train stopping at 23rd Street?
Conductor: You didn’t listen to the announcement at all, did you?
Teen girl: No.
Conductor: Then I’m not telling.

–C train, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: i love a tube with tude

Please Remain on the Line. Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Important to Us.

Usher: I will tell you once again: do not use your cell phone! I know how to wrestle!

–Theatre

Man: What kind of faggot has a 551 number?

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a friend of mine does

Drunk Long Island girl: I don't know! I guess my phone was on lock or unlock or whatever, but my boobs must have called you!

–W 10th St

Overheard by: max

Blonde NYU ditz, looking at BlackBerry: Wait… what area code is 718? That's like really far away, right?

–Sullivan & Bleecker

Overheard by: i actually laughed at her

Conductor: This is the train to Ronkonkoma, also known as "ko, hip hip hey and away we go." When using cell phones, please, keep it quiet, 'cause no one really wants to know what you're talkin' about.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Goober

It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.

–Blarney Stone Pub

Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.

–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jessica Segal

Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?

–33rd b/w 7th & 8th

Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.

–Train Leaving Penn Station

Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.

–Stuyvesant High School