Archive for the ‘Coney Island’ Category

We May Have Found the Cause

Little girl to mom: I don’t feel good.
Mom: Are you irregular? Constipated? Do you have diarrhea? Snot? Boogers? Fungus? Menopause? Post-partum depression? Pre-partum depression?… Little girl wanders away while mom keeps listing ailments. –Nathan’s, Coney Island

In Russia, That’s Like a French Kiss

Man #1: I was cashing my check in Brighton Beach and this Russian dude almost hit my little brother. So I went and tapped on his window and you know the first thing I did?
Man #2: What’s that?
Man #1: I spit in his mouth. He opened up his mouth and got a mouthful of my spit. Then I started walking away and he got out of his car and was like 6ft 9, all basketball style. –Nathan’s at Coney Island Overheard by: Brad Benson

Why J.Lo and Affleck Broke Up

Teen boy: You need to stop eating Chinese food.
Teen girl: Why?
Teen boy: Because then your ass is gonna get bigger, and then I’m gonna have to rape you.
Teen girl: Why you gotta say it like that? Why can’t you just say ‘blow my back out’ or something? You rape me, then you’ll go to jail.
Teen boy: So?
Teen girl: Then you’re gonna get raped! –Chinese restaurant, Coney Island

“I'm Having a Wednesday One-Liner– And It's Yours!”

Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs! –8th & 34th Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way. –Battery Park Overheard by: It's how I got mine Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven! –Coney Island Broadwalk Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die! –Broadway & Liberty Overheard by: CG Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass! –Spring Street, SoHo Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth. –W 12th & W 4th Overheard by: michael diamond