Archive for the ‘Coney Island’ Category

The Wednesday Bone's Connected to the One-Liner Bone…

20-something girl: I don't let people with toes like that into my bed!

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: insizlane

Old man on cell: Just tell her to go to Duane Reade and get that shit that puts your urethra to sleep.

–East Village

Overheard by: doctors are so jaded

Woman: My son has a perfect head, it's not flat on no sides.

–44 Bus, Staten Island

(man comes over and pushes down everyone's safety bar)
Woman
: My uterus just came out of my vagina.


–Coney Island Cyclone

Guy on cell: …and it's just not Sunday unless you've had your finger in someone.

–Houston & Macdougal

Overheard by: Lish

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Their Eyes Peeled for Movie Stars

Tourist backpacker with hands on subway doors: Do these open on their own?

–1 Train

Tourist mom to uncool son: Well, that's what you get for trying to be a hipster!

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: j

Tourist: Holy moly, look at that Olive Garden! It's huge! I wish I lived here!
(takes a picture of the restaurant)

–Times Square

Obese Midwestern woman to obese Midwestern man: Oooh, Applebee's… Now I feel at home here!

–Times Square

Southern tourist guy: I thought people in Greenwich Village would look stranger.

–Bleecker Street

Tourist from west coast, after observing the locals for a few innings: You know, Seinfeld makes so much more sense to me now.

–Cheap Seats, Coney Island Cyclones

Overheard by: Kevin Eliasen

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Be Buried in the Jewish Cemetery

Girl on cell (reading US Weekly): Hey, Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee were photographed together! That means there's still hope for me and that guy from the tattoo shop!

–Brookyln Diner, Times Square

Latina: What's with grandma keeping gettin' tattoos that show?

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Justin Case de Foodisbad

Chick to another: The only thing he better get tattooed on his butt is my name!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Angela

Guy to girlfriend: Does that guy over there have a picture of Kim Jong II tattooed on his shoulder? (pause) Or is that his kid? (pause) Cause that's fucked up!

–Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Not sure myself…

Girl: So I hooked up with this guy who had a prison tattoo of an eagle ripping up the communist manifesto. I was like: "God bless America," y'know?

–N train

Overheard by: amen

Wednesday One-Liners Regret Listening to Their Biological Clocks

Mother to screaming toddler: Stop it. This is not your day. This is my day. Don't ruin it.

–Gourmet Garage

Southern woman to son: The WWE pose, just like we practiced in the backyard now.

–NBC Studios

Overheard by: Tracy

Mother yelling at three little well-dressed girls: Do not open that bottle of glitter! Do not! If you know glitter… (holding her arms out making a rainbow sort of gesture) Shit flies!

–Central Park

Overheard by: chellie

Very young mother to four-year-old son: Stop that! If you don't start behavin' I'm gonna send you in for the new model!

–R Train

Overheard by: Kait

Ghetto mom to young son running his hand along outside window while walking: Don't do that! You gonna get germs! Yo' hand gonna fall off!

–45th b/w 3rd & Lexington

Overheard by: Lili Von Shtupp

Very serious mother: Well, Megatron could beat Optimus because he's stronger. But Optimus is smarter, so he can outsmart Megatron.

–East Village

Mom holding little boy's hand: Forget everything you've seen today.

–Mermaid Parade, Coney Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Not forgetting ANYTHING we saw today

Wednesday One-Liners for Uncle Walter

High-school teen to friend: So, like, every guy that likes me must totally be a pedophile.

–Flatbush & Dekalb, Brooklyn

13-year-old: I mean, he’s not a pedophile, he’s just very open with his sexuality, and I like that.

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kelly

Lesbian on cell: I just saw these girls and they were pretty. Really pretty. And fifteen. But then I heard them talking and I realized they were French! So it’s fine. Fifteen is legal there.

–36th St & Fifth Ave

Middle-aged teacher: I have this girl in my class that’s a six-year-old with a 46-year-old woman’s body.

–Prem-On Thai

Overheard by: office peon

Guy who just got more beer: This is the happiest place on earth… Except for that kindergarten I’m not allowed to go back to anymore.

–McSorley’s, 7th & 3rd

Overheard by: I’ll drink to that!

Seven-year-old boy running after another child: I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile!

–Coney Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: that’swhathesaid

In Russia, That’s Like a French Kiss

Man #1: I was cashing my check in Brighton Beach and this Russian dude almost hit my little brother. So I went and tapped on his window and you know the first thing I did?
Man #2: What’s that?
Man #1: I spit in his mouth. He opened up his mouth and got a mouthful of my spit. Then I started walking away and he got out of his car and was like 6ft 9, all basketball style.

–Nathan’s at Coney Island

Overheard by: Brad Benson

Wednesday One-Liners You Just Wanna Pat on the Head

Drunk girl: I think he uses his cancer to be cute.

–Bourgeois Pig, MacDougal St

Freak show barker: I hate cute ventriloquism.

–Outside Coney Island Freak Show

Overheard by: Miss Carrie

Girl, about three-year-old nearby: He’s so cute, I want to kidnap him!

–PATH train

Woman: … And then he pulled out a gun and threatened to kill me. It was so cute.

–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & 8th

Overheard by: Heather

Man to toddler girl: That’s what politicians do. They try to look cute.

–Smith & Union, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Why J.Lo and Affleck Broke Up

Teen boy: You need to stop eating Chinese food.
Teen girl: Why?
Teen boy: Because then your ass is gonna get bigger, and then I’m gonna have to rape you.
Teen girl: Why you gotta say it like that? Why can’t you just say ‘blow my back out’ or something? You rape me, then you’ll go to jail.
Teen boy: So?
Teen girl: Then you’re gonna get raped!

–Chinese restaurant, Coney Island