Archive for the ‘Coney Island’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners for Uncle Walter

High-school teen to friend: So, like, every guy that likes me must totally be a pedophile.

–Flatbush & Dekalb, Brooklyn

13-year-old: I mean, he’s not a pedophile, he’s just very open with his sexuality, and I like that.

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kelly

Lesbian on cell: I just saw these girls and they were pretty. Really pretty. And fifteen. But then I heard them talking and I realized they were French! So it’s fine. Fifteen is legal there.

–36th St & Fifth Ave

Middle-aged teacher: I have this girl in my class that’s a six-year-old with a 46-year-old woman’s body.

–Prem-On Thai

Overheard by: office peon

Guy who just got more beer: This is the happiest place on earth… Except for that kindergarten I’m not allowed to go back to anymore.

–McSorley’s, 7th & 3rd

Overheard by: I’ll drink to that!

Seven-year-old boy running after another child: I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile!

–Coney Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: that’swhathesaid

Wednesday One-Liners You Just Wanna Pat on the Head

Drunk girl: I think he uses his cancer to be cute.

–Bourgeois Pig, MacDougal St

Freak show barker: I hate cute ventriloquism.

–Outside Coney Island Freak Show

Overheard by: Miss Carrie

Girl, about three-year-old nearby: He’s so cute, I want to kidnap him!

–PATH train

Woman: … And then he pulled out a gun and threatened to kill me. It was so cute.

–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & 8th

Overheard by: Heather

Man to toddler girl: That’s what politicians do. They try to look cute.

–Smith & Union, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

We May Have Found the Cause

Little girl to mom: I don’t feel good.
Mom: Are you irregular? Constipated? Do you have diarrhea? Snot? Boogers? Fungus? Menopause? Post-partum depression? Pre-partum depression?…

Little girl wanders away while mom keeps listing ailments.

–Nathan’s, Coney Island

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Freak Flag, and They’re Gonna Fly It

Carnie: Come play Shoot the Freak! What d’ya come to Coney Island for, to swim in dirty water? –Boardwalk, Coney Island Overheard by: Jena Guy: Shut up and never call me again, you freak. –56th & 13th, Brooklyn Overheard by: bobby Peddler: Coney Island Freak Show t-shirts! It’s the new Gucci! –Siren Music Fest, Coney Island Overheard by: Sinestro

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Big-Boned

Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese! –1 train Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass! –Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym! –Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn Overheard by: elwood Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island. –Queens Center Mall Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat. –Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God! –Q46 bus Overheard by: Melissa