Guy on cell: Come on, one third of Americans don't pay their taxes. I want to be one of them.
–7th Ave & Garfield, Brooklyn
Guy on cell: Does he know where he is? This is America–this is America. They makin' ice cream every second! I don't know what he's complainin' about, they got chains makin' food 24 hours a day…they even makin' milk on Christmas!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Tess
Obnoxious black guy to another: I was watchin' a special on tv last night talkin' about how gays can't be in the war! When they find out the whole America is gay, we're screwed!
–45th & 9th
Construction worker to another: Hell, I could break down George Bush in a debate. And I'm a fuckin' plumber! (pause) I hate my damn nation…
–Dunkin' Donuts, Astoria, Queens
Conductor: This is the r local to Continental… Forest Hills… Queens… USA!
–R Train
Overheard by: Mugsy's Moll
Archive for the ‘Construction Guys’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners in a Garden State of Mind
Cute queer to hot Asian friend: I would rather have you drive drunk and stay at a friend's place in Manhattan then take a cab back to Jersey.
–Manhattan
Professor: For Muslims, the afterlife is more real to them than it is to me or you. For them, dying is like…going to New Jersey. Beautiful New Jersey.
–Stern Building, NYU
Overheard by: Emily
Trashy girl (knocking on door of a convenience store that just closed): Yo, let me in! I just want to buy a Heineken before I go back to New Jersey!
–W 108th & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: MR
Construction worker to people exiting PATH station: You're from Jersey! You should be happy!
–Vesey St & Church St
20-something on cell: I'm at Penn station and there are so many guidos and guidettes on their way back to Jersey. Watching them is like watching babies stuck in a McDonald's ball pit.
–Penn Station
NJ Transit worker: You'd be surprised how many honest people there are in New Jersey.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Jersey Girl
Conductor: This is a Jersey bound Q train. Oh shiiiiit.
–Brooklyn Bound Q Train
Overheard by: office peon
Technically, It's Not a “Club” So Much As P.S. 182
Construction worker #1: We gotta go to this club I heard about. All the girls are on ecstasy.
Construction worker #2: Perfect!
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: las
You Guys Are Becoming Chinks in My Armor
Construction worker #1: This place is expensive.
Construction worker #2: Ca-ching.
Korean store owner: I'm not fucking Chinese.
Construction worker #2: It's the cash register sound.
Korean store owner: I don't care, I'm not fucking Chinese, get out of my store.
–Canal & West Broadway
Overheard by: also not chinese
The Highest Compliment an Artist Can Receive
(admiring statues next to the Time Warner Center)
Construction worker #1: I like those statues a lot.
Construction worker #2: Steal 'em!
–58th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Stefan Lawrence
“Nice Tool” Does Sound Gay by Comparison
(construction worker pulls out a new tool from the truck)
Worker #1: Where the fuck did you get that?
Worker #2: Fuckin' Home Depot!
Worker #3: That's fuckin' fancy!
–33rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Erin Flannery
The Creation of the Prostitution Merit Badge
(in front of national HQ of Girl Scouts of America)
Construction worker #1: Do you see all the rich marble they used on this building?
Construction worker #2: Yeah. They sure had to sell a lot of fuckin’ cookies to afford it.
–37th St b/w 5th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: dodgerswill
Headline by: C.J.
Runners-Up:
· “Actually, the United States Thin Mint Just Prints Them Money” – Lauren
· “I’ll Take 7,954,300,348,000 Boxes Of Thin Mints Please!” – Eino Hill
· “It’s Actually Constructed Of Stale Do-Si-Dos and the Corpses Of Girls Who Didn’t Reach Their Quota” – Matthew K. Johnson
· “The Building Was Funded by an Anonymous Benefactor, on the Condition That It Be Built on Sesame Street.” – James
· “The Reason They Added Heroin to Thin Mints” – ILOVEThinMints
· “Turning Tricks Is for Kids” – Qasar
· “You Should See the Boy Scouts Of America HQ… Don’t Ask What They Sold.” – fox
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Your Editors Hope a Knowledgeable Reader Will Explain This to Us
Bald construction guy: Dude, if you fell down while she was going down on you, I probably would have peed all over her. (swinging motion with hand at crotch area) Oooohhhh.
Suit: Oh my god, if you did that I would have started peeing on her too.
–Pizza Wagon, 86th Street
Overheard by: Trying to Enjoy my Lunch over here
Mr. McCain’s Co-Workers Have Grown Weary of That Line
Hardhat to ticket agent: Yo, what time you get out?
Ticket agent: At one.
Hardhat: Me too. It’s great gettin’ out at one.
Ticket agent: Yeah, but I got class after.
Hardhat: Well, better than bein’ in a Chinese prison camp.
–Water-Taxi Booth, Queens
Overheard by: obviously not as high as he is
So That’s How It Spreads
[Homeless man is giving directions to tourists.]
Construction worker to tourists below: Don’t listen to that guy, he’s a homeless bum. He don’t know what he’s talking about, he’s crazy. Seriously, stop talking to him, he’s just a whacked out homeless guy.
Homeless man: Yeah, well… You’re homeless! Yeah, how you like that?
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: adrift midwestern hipster