Archive for the ‘Construction Guys’ Category

So That’s How It Spreads

[Homeless man is giving directions to tourists.]
Construction worker to tourists below
: Don’t listen to that guy, he’s a homeless bum. He don’t know what he’s talking about, he’s crazy. Seriously, stop talking to him, he’s just a whacked out homeless guy.

Homeless man: Yeah, well… You’re homeless! Yeah, how you like that?

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: adrift midwestern hipster

Wednesday Pick-Up-Liners

Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you.

–M116 Bus

Overheard by: I hate the bus

Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty!

–Allen & East Houston

Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free.

–33rd & Broadway

Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all.

–Times Square

Overheard by: yearbookie

Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you.

–South Williamsburg

Overheard by: DanielXY

Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees.

–Central Park

Caution: Wednesday One-Liners at Work

Hardhat: Walk in the walkway, people! It’s much safer! Watch out for the cabs! They hurt!

–Broadway & Fulton

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Chunky Mexican hardhat: I might not have a million dollars, but I got a big fat dick to put in her ass.

–St. Patrick’s Cathedral

Hardhat: Awright, look — after lunch, I’ll get you a grinder, and then we’re having a three-way, okay?

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Hardhat on cell: So, when you say you want to cheat, do you mean a one-time thing, or is this something you plan on doing again and again?

–14th St, between 6th & 7th Ave

Hardhat to another: Bitch, please! I asked for a pink soda! I’m not going to drink this shit!

–10th & 3rd

Overheard by: Veronika LaRocque

I Had to Block My Wife, Though

Hardhat #1: Did you check out my wall lately?
Hardhat #2: Uh, no.
Hardhat #1: Dude! You should! That chick I was telling you about, she wrote all over it.
Hardhat #2: No shit!
Hardhat #1: Things I can’t even repeat to you.
Hardhat #2: Awww, man, right on! I will log on tonight.
Hardhat #1: Facebook is awesome.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: zed