Archive for the ‘Cops’ Category

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center Of a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her.

–59th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: aenigma

NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again.

–Forsyth St & E Houston St

Overheard by: Dave-o

Teen girl to friends: He's so gross! Seriously, I'd rather lick my cat's asshole than hook up with that guy!

–Barnes & Noble, Bayside

Guy at bar to friend: I can't believe you married a woman who won't lick your asshole.

–Ale House, MacDougal St

Random woman: Why do you always insist on licking my elbow?

–86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jana

Where's a Wednesday One-Liner When You Need One?

Cop: Man, I'm computer illiterate… That's why the NYPD is perfect for me.

–Police Precinct, Bronx

Overheard by: afrocurl

Cop car to man in the street, after using sirens: How stupid are you? Move out of the way!
(crowd cheers)

–Thompson & Bleecker

Overheard by: onlycoolcop

Loudspeaker on police car to pedestrian: What are you doing!?

–Houston & Broadway

Woman with missing teeth, grabbing tourist and yelling: I'm not a cop! I'm a ho!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: Jo Ann Chism

C'mon a My Wednesday One-Liner!

Man on phone: Come down the road and I'm the first house that you do not see.

–Office Building, W 46th St

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Black woman on cell: Don't fuck in ma house!

–Union Square Station

10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, my mom says I can fuck a girl in her house, as long as she ain't a skanky-ass ho.

–105th & Broadway

Overheard by: Andy

Girl to friend: We can't hang out at my house. I don't know anyone there anymore.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy cycling past very fast, to cycling companion: So he bought a whole house just to store pot?

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: peeper

City cop to two homeless guys: If your house is worth like $200,000, you can probably only get a equity loan for like $100,000. (homeless guys nod their heads in agreement)

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: E

We’re From Gifu, You Ignorant Round-Eye

Guy to Chinese tourists: We call them cops. Citizens on Patrol, that’s one theory. You know London? In the U.K.? Over there they call them bobbies. In New York, cops. In London, bobbies.
British woman: In London they’re called coppers.
Guy: What?
British woman: In London they call them coppers. That’s where the word “cop” comes from.
Guy: She would know, because she’s from there. So in New York, cops. In London, coppers. Not to be confused with “cooper,” which is someone who plays with copper. So is this a lot like Shanghai?

–E train

Overheard by: kyetlen