Little boy, pointing at NYPD helicopter: Daddy ! What's that?
Dad: That's a ghetto bird. (then to friends) Normally it's native to neighborhoods with a lot of black people… Wonder what it's doing here?
–Citifield Stadium
Overheard by: Matt F.
Archive for the ‘Cops’ Category
Shirtless Man + Cops = Arrest
Shirtless man, loudly: Hey man, don't say anything, the cops are right there.
(another shirtless man hurries away)
Cop, arriving: (snickers)
–Union Square
Brutality Exchange Program?
Girl, swatting at guy: Stupid, stupid! LAPD?
Guy: Ow! What did I say? What?
Girl: Why would the LAPD be in New York?
Guy: Oh.
–Five Points, Manhattan
Um, Don't I Help Pay Your Salary?
Female Asian worker: Wow, so is it free then?
NYPD officer: Nah, it's nine dollars a head, babe. Ain't nothing free in New York, hun, when I come in here you don't give me no free fuckin coffee, do ya?
–Rainbow Cafe, Grand & Essex
Overheard by: mhopkins
Does Any New Yorker Not Want to Go Into Show Business?
Cop with hat tucked under arm to K-9 dog: Arooo-ooo-ooo!
K-9 dog: Ooouu-ooo-ooo!
Cop: Ouw-ouw-ouw!
K-9 dog: Arooo-ouw-ouw!
Cop and K-9 dog, in harmony: Ouw-ouw-ooooo!
Old man, putting $1 in cop's hat: Excellent.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Thomas
Now If You Asked Where the Meth Was…
Police officer: Where's the fire?
Cab driver: What fire? I'm not a fireman!
–JFK Airport
Um, I Think Those Were Mannequins.
Suit #1: Did you see them?
Suit #2: No.
Suit #1: They were either Secret Service men, or really in-shape accountants…
–Union Square
We Prefer “The Sittin' Squad,” But Yeah.
Suit, blocking newly vacated seat and motioning to young woman at other end of the car: Would you like to sit?
Older woman, closer to the seat: Who the fuck is he… The seat police?
–5 Train
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
…It's Taking Everything I Can Muster Not to Grab Your Ass Right Now.
Girl: There are six feet in that bathroom stall! You should check it out.
Employee: Do I look like a sex cop to you?
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Wednesday's One-Liner Sense Is Tingling
Black man in Batman suit trying to get tourists to pay to take pictures with him: I got bills! I got bills!
–Times Square
Overheard by: kpan
Traffic cop, motioning in vain for car to stop: I guess my powers aren't working today…
–Citifield, 7 Train Entrance
Teenage girl: I love my physics teacher. He's like a fat, middle-aged Superman.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Large man with heavy accent shouting into cell: Please send somebody–I have just been robbed. (pause) I am on the corner. (pause) What do you mean, "white"? He is a Spiderman! He's wearing a Spiderman suit!
–Stanton & Essex