Archive for the ‘Cops’ Category

We’re From Gifu, You Ignorant Round-Eye

Guy to Chinese tourists: We call them cops. Citizens on Patrol, that’s one theory. You know London? In the U.K.? Over there they call them bobbies. In New York, cops. In London, bobbies.
British woman: In London they’re called coppers.
Guy: What?
British woman: In London they call them coppers. That’s where the word “cop” comes from.
Guy: She would know, because she’s from there. So in New York, cops. In London, coppers. Not to be confused with “cooper,” which is someone who plays with copper. So is this a lot like Shanghai? –E train Overheard by: kyetlen

Where Would This Site Be Without the Hobos?

Trinidadian hobo: Step into the car and please don't block the doors. There's another train directly behind this one. Biiing-bonnng! That's from the old cars. This is how they do it now: “Dingdong!” (recorded “if you see something, say something” message plays; hobo recites the message along with it, mimicking perfectly.) “Tell a police officer or an MTA employee.” Or tell me, because it might be a bag o' money. Or weed. But if it's only a nickel bag of weed, just turn it in to a policeman. If it's a 500-pound bag, give it to me! I need that haze! Now, here's a picture of my wife. Two years ago, on Easter Sunday, my wife passed away of a massive heart attack. I want you all to know about this because I want you all to know I'm still single. The ladies, that is, not the men. I'm not gay. I have gay friends, but I'm not gay. I'm a lesbian. I'm a lesbian because I love what they eat! –4 Train Overheard by: Aloof Loner

We Blame the Non-Honors Chemistry

Conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors. Do not hold the doors.
Crackhead holding doors: Suck my dick. I'm in the mob. I'm mobbed the fuck up.
Conductor: For those who continue to hold the doors, if I see you, police will be called. It's rush hour, people need to get where they're going.
Crackhead holding doors: Shut the fuck up. I went to Cornell, motherfucker. Suck my dick. –Uptown 2 Train Overheard by: ED

Our Wednesday One-Liners in Blue

Cop on cell: Yeah, Adam just called. Are there bodies there? –Outside Times Square Police Station Overheard by: leah Police officer on crowd control duty: If you was special, you'd get on the sidewalk. If you was my family, you'd get on the sidewalk. –45th & Broadway Overheard by: Claire Little boy to mother, after policeman walks by: Mom, it's the five-o! –38th St, Astoria Man: Yo, I was so twisted last night. I was in the cop car and he was like, "no drinking in the cop car!" –Lexington & 75th Overheard by: wb Cop to victim: So the doors and windows were locked,no sign of forced entry…and you're sure that your panty drawer was rifled through and unknown items are missing? –Bensonhurst

Wednesday One-Liners Live Life on the Edge

Chick on cell: Yeah, but the possibility of being hit by the log is too great… And I don’t know if I want to take that risk. –Train to Glen Rock Young suit: I always have problems with zippers. Once, I was putting on my pants and my leg went through the zipper instead of the leg hole. It made a ‘rip’ noise, and then it broke. –West End Ave Traffic cop waving cars through pedestrian-flooded intersection: C’mon, c’mon! If they get hit, they get hit. –34th & 7th Overheard by: Jobee, a pedestrian Teen boy: Those signs are idiotic. If the kid runs out in front of your car, you’re going to hit him whether he’s deaf or not! –Bedford Park, Bronx Overheard by: Cousin It Go-go dancer boy: I’m totally the only one who hasn’t fallen off the bar yet. –Pier 45, Hudson River Park Overheard by: Palest Girl on the Lawn

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Toro, Toro, Taxi!”

Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don't want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous! –17th & Irving (pedestrians are crossing when they aren't supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver: Next time, just go ahead and run them over. –Columbus Circle Overheard by: momes Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car! –Jerry Orbach St Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I'ma getting hit by a car, I'ma getting hit by a nice car. –Broadway & Houston Tourist driving car: I don't give a fuck if you own the world! I'm running your ass over! –Financial District Overheard by: lex