Archive for the ‘Couples’ Category

Wednesday Funbag-Liners

Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Doesn't she know that the "having big boobs" thing is, like, not in anymore? –86th St Overheard by: Kevin Girl to another: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off! –Charles & 4th Overheard by: Eric 20-something guy, singing: I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna find my motherfucking sock, 'cause I don't know where it is. I wanna touch some boobs… –Pratt Institute Angry hobo to college chick with big boobs zipping up her jacket: Don't put them titties away! –5th & 21st Elderly woman to husband: I keep my business in my bosom! –Carnegie Deli

I Could Build a Casino, Then Rob It

Thug: So, if I’m half black and half American Indian, that makes me Puerto Rico.
Thugette: I told you that you was Puerto Rican. –149th & 3rd, Bronx Headline by: Mariya Runners-Up: · “Actually, it makes you unemployed” – Mr. Bone · “Bitch, don’t be callin’ me no adjectival form!” – was “rico”/”rican” the first thing you noticed too? · “Dora the Explorer: South Bronx Edition” – Scott · “Runs With Hookers didn’t excel in Ethnic Studies” – bri b · “The new theory of relativity” – sara swank
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I Like to Braid It Using Only My Tongue

Woman with strong Southern accent: I am gonna have her bachelorette party in my apartment next weekend.
Husband: (nods)
Woman: But the goddamn stripper won't return my phone calls.
(waitress brings shots)
Woman: What is this?
Waitress: Tequila, on us.
Woman: This'll put hair on my boobies.
Husband's friends: That's just how he likes it.
Husband: (nods) –Brother Jimmy's BBQ, Upper West Side

Getting Wednesdayed Is Easy; Staying One-Linered Is Hard

Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages… –Hudson River Park Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us? –F Train Overheard by: Elise Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"? –6 Train Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle. –DUMBO, Brooklyn Overheard by: Megan Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you. –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Josh Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her! –77th & 34th