Archive for the ‘Couples’ Category

And They Lived Happily Ever After

(bunch of people are buying wedding clothes)
Groom, indicating fly area
: It's kind of sticking out over here.

Best man: Oh, you're not used to anything bulging in the front, right?
Groom: Well, I'm getting married, so I don't have to worry about that anymore.
Bride: Yeah, whatever. I know I'm going to stop going to the gym.

–Bridal Showroom, Flushing

Overheard by: Josh

They Make Coffee-Flavored Condoms, Right?

Husband: I can't fucking believe you fell asleep while I was making love to you.
Wife: Yeah, well maybe if your dick was bigger, I would be more inclined to stay up!
(pause)
Husband
: Maybe we should get a divorce.

Wife: Why? So you can bore some hot 20-something into falling asleep on your dick?

–In line, MOMA

Headline by: Baby

Runners-Up:
· “Cathy Once Again Uses Her Overwhelming Logic to Get Out Of Divorce” – Erica

· “Isn’t That What Roofies Are For?” – KJM
· “Narcolepsy Destroys Families.” – KJM
· “She Called It His “Snooze Button”” – Taylor-Like-Woah
· “The One Conversation That Every Married Couple Has Had at Least Once” – I know I have
· “This Performance Art Piece Will Be Here All Week” – TV


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I Locked the Gryffindor and Hung by My Tits from the Ravenclaws While Slytherin’ My Hufflepuff

Boyfriend: So you went home, drank two Smirnoff Ices, watched Harry Potter one and a half times, and masturbated twice?
Girlfriend: Yep.

–City Hall Park

Headline by: Lord Pervdevert

Runners-Up:
· “Nice.” – ImmaculatePizza
· “And That’s Why You Couldn’t Meet My Parents?” – Gerard
· “Best 13th Birthday Ever” – downtown
· “Just Another Night for JK Rowling” – Suzy
· “Rookie” – 6th Floor Blogger
· “Underage or Underloved?” – em


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

What’s This “We” Shit?

Man pushing stroller: Do we have a bottle?
Bitchy wife: No, we have my breasts.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Aaron Padwee

Headline by: Danny

Runners-Up:
· “I Can’t Beat You With Those” – Digeridude
· “I Meant for the Baby.” – thisdaydreamer
· “Shall I Preheat Them For You?” – Mike Curry
· “They’re in the Diaper Bag” – Bri
· “Well Pop a Top, Beeyotch!” – Pozo


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

He’s Just Not That Into Your Calendar

Girl #1: So he told me that no matter what happens on June 31st, he will come to my house and we’ll discuss our wedding.
Girl #2: I wish my boyfriend would be there for me.
Girl #1: It sounds nice, doesn’t it? Except there is no 31st of June. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Ting Catholic schoolgirl: I am so mature! I’m gonna be 16 soon. That means I can drive.
Boyfriend: That’s awesome.
Catholic schoolgirl: How many months is that in?
Boyfriend: I dunno…
Catholic schoolgirl: Let’s see…June, July, August, September, November…December? No, that’s not right…January, February, April, May… –N train Overheard by: Olga Kogan