Archive for the ‘Coworkers’ Category

Some Potty Humor, Courtesy of Wednesday One-Liners

Lady suit: Do you think anyone would notice if I just popped a squat and urinated everywhere? –Port Authority 12-year-old girl: And then… He, like… peed in my mouth. It was kinda gross. –Eddie’s Sweet Shop Overheard by: Yorick Man peeing on the street: Watch the stream, watch the stream! –W 4th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Maya G. Black guy to coworker: What about that golden shower I had the other night? –NYU Weinstein Dining Hall Middle-aged convention female attendee: I didn’t know that urinals flushed. Did you know urinals flushed? Who would have thought? –Javits Convention Center Overheard by: Hector Drunk man to embarrassed friend: Did I tell you about the time I peed on a bum? For real, I did! I was just taking a leak and looked down like: "Oh shit, is that a person?" He looked up on me and said: "Hey, you just peed on me!" And I did! I peed on him! Then I put myself in his shoes like: "What if someone peed on me?" I’d be pissed! That’s some fucked up shit, man. So I gave him ten bucks. –A Train

Wednesdays Don’t Kill People; One-Liners Kill People

Large black man on cell phone: They did the deal with the diamonds, then the other guy got greedy and shot up the place. –Union Ave Overheard by: Seth Callaway Teen, looking around: Where are we? Are we purchasing illegal arms? –Turkish Restaurant, Montague St. Overheard by: Mike N Blonde chick in pink coat, perkily: … There was no exit wound, and no bullet. –L train Overheard by: Ladle Girl talking to co-worker: I live near Wall Street and there are like army men down there with machine guns and it’s scary! How do I know they don’t have Tourette’s and won’t just start shooting their guns all over the place?! –41st & 3rd Older suit, calmly, to his two female coworkers: I’d like to put a gun to his head and say "Nickie do the right thing or I will blow your fucking head off."
[His companions nod in understanding.] –Starbucks Calm Jewish fraternity guy on cell: So, I’m being deported and drafted into the Israeli army… It’s okay, I’ll name my gun after you! –NYU Waverly Building

Did You Feel As Dirty As I Did When He Said “Tastebud Sensation”?

Old british man, to liquor store employees: Have any of you ever tried this beer?
Thugged-out liquor store employee #1: Nah.
Old british man: Oh, it’s a splendid Belgian stout, very sweet. It’s my absolute favorite variety of Belgian beer. You should try it sometime. It is absolutely divine, a tastebud sensation the likes of which I can guarantee you’ve never known. Well, have a great night, chaps. [Pays for his beer and walks out.]
Thugged-out liquor store employee #1: Yo, dog, you hear that guy’s accent? You think his accent was real?
Thugged-out liquor store employee #2: Nah.
Thugged-out liquor store employee #1: I don’t think so, either.
Thugged-out liquor store employee #2: It couldn’t have been real. You hear that guy? He ain’t from no foreign country. He spoke perfect English. –Liquor Store, Manhattan Overheard by: daile