Conductor on loudspeaker: Release the doors. Release the doors now! Crazy guy, screaming: Release my nuts on your face! –Queens bound E train Overheard by: I hope its not my face
Asian guy: She’s crazy. She’s obsessed with death!
Pudgy White guy: But she’s hot.
Black guy: So what?
Pudgy White guy: Yeah, she’s crazy…but she’s hot. They kind of balance each other out, you know? –F train Overheard by: emdashes Boyfriend: What about kitty?
Girlfriend: Oh, I could eat kitty. No really, I could make a great stir-fry with the cat.
Boyfriend: You would eat my cat?
Girlfriend: Ah, that would be a great way to get at you: eat your cat. –St. Mark’s Place
Crazy guy: Fresh! I been made for this. Apostrophes don’t count. –C train
Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does. –Bank St. & Greenwich St. Overheard by: Katie Compa Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps! –Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Santiago and Catie Guy: And she can ride him like a horse! –W 103rd St Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat. –7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises. –Townsend Harris High School Overheard by: amused Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu) –McDonald's
Crazy, loud hobo on train, repeating: “Jesus” is a six letter word! “666” means the devil! So, Jesus is the devil!
Fed-up passenger: Hey asshole, “Jesus” is 5 letters, not six!
Crazy hobo, pensive: Well, shit, there goes my whole argument. –5 Train
Well-dressed British man on cell, as he walks oddly: Listen girl, I farted so hard yesterday I blasted half my ass off. (pause) No, seriously! I am still walking funny! –24th St b/w 6th & 7th Overheard by: Joseph Teenage boy to another: One time this hot bitch farted on my lap, and I didn't know what to do. –12th St & University Place Crazy hobo sitting on blanket: I used to wear underwear, but then I farted and left a stain, so decided no more. Can anyone spare any change? –87th & Broadway Overheard by: Nynanny Girl from Louisiana: What can I say? I'm a Southern girl. I fart crawfish. –McLean Ave, Yonkers Woman on phone: Well, the romance is out of my life: this morning Greg came in my mouth, then straight away leaned back and farted. –Beard St & Van Brunt St, Brooklyn Overheard by: craig hunter
Crazy man: Girl, you been married?
Teenager girl: Yes.
Crazy man: You divorced?
Teenager girl: Yes.
Crazy man: How many times you been married?
(teenager girl holds out five fingers)
Crazy man: Damn girl, I've only been married once and we're still together. –Time Square Shuttle Overheard by: Holly
Tourist taking picture of guy with ‘Overthrow’ shaved into back of his head: So, is Overthrow your rap name?
Guy: Nah, Overthrow — that’s my movement. I’m a general. Five-star general — see the five stars [shaved into sideburns]? –DUMBO Overheard by: Mrs Parker’s 4th Grade Class
Young hipster guy to hobo: I hate to ask, but do you mind if I bum a cigarette from you? –Prince St Overheard by: Kristen W. Flight attendant on PA: We’d like to remind you that this is a non-smoking service to London, but passengers are permitted to smoke outside the cabin at any point during the flight. –British Airways Flight to Heathrow Crazy man: Smoking leads directly to prostitution! –66th & Broadway Overheard by: voluptuousgrl Dude: I’ve been smoking since I came out of my mom’s cooch. –Hop Scotch Cafe Woman with raspy voice: Man, cigarettes are so expensive now. When I started smoking, it was only a $1.25 a pack. Unless I bought them off my mom, she only charged 75 cents a pack. –4 Train, Union Square Overheard by: Christine Mom to seven-year-old son: Come on, let’s go out for a cigarette. (looks around nervously at other audience members) Well, not that you smoke. –Intermission, Rent