Archive for the ‘Crazies’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners (Sing Along If You Know the Words)

Crazy hobo (to the tune of Elvis’ Hound dog): Ain’t nothing but a hound dog! (mutters next two lines) And you never fuck a rabbit in the ass, cause that’s just a waste of time! –E 4th St & 2nd Ave Man, to the tune of Hit Me Baby One More Time: I need to pee out of my urethra. –Penn Station Overheard by: Noelle Guy in back of the bus wearing headphones and singing: (almost inaudible) I wanna die…I just wanna die.
(everyone stares at him)
Guy: (almost inaudible) I wanna die… I wanna dieeeeeeee. –Bx 9 Bus, Fordham Plaza Overheard by: Krisztina, sitting right in front of him Homeless guy singing while shaking paper cup full of change: Oh me, oh my… There goes perfection. Oh me, oh my… Here comes an erection. –13th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: rolf Young Hispanic man singing to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven: And there’s a wino down the road! –E train Overheard by: In_the_Shadows Crazy hobo signing to two passing women: Vaaaggiiinnnaaa… Vaaagggiiiinnaaaa. (stretches out his neck towards them and emphasizes) Vaaaaggggiiiiinnnaaaaaa! –Near NYU Overheard by: Joe

The Superfluous Eruditeness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon. –Barnard College Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia! –Columbia University Overheard by: John David Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin! –Nassau & Fulton Overheard by: Tigertail First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity. –Grand Central Overheard by: bunbury Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right? –70th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Grow on Trees

Crazy guy: Look at you people. All y’all paying eighteen, nineteen hundred dollars rent. I pay two dollars rent! And I get a free transfer! –Uptown A Train Overheard by: Heather Smoking girl: I’m just not going to put all of this money and time into this degree and then take a job that pays less than $100,000 after I graduate. I mean, I’m just *not*. –Outside Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Bored street fundraiser for the homeless: Just one penny, people. Just one penny. Blah, blah, blah. –Union Square Park Overheard by: Farley Crazy guy: You motherfucking actors with all your fucking money and shit… I hate you… But boy did I want to be an actor when I was young. –Outside NBC Studios, 49th & 6th Overheard by: Ross Frustrated booth operator, yelling at an argumentative tourist: Lady, this subway hasn’t used tokens in over seven years! And that ain’t even a token… It’s a one collar coin! –Subway, Spring & Lafayette Overheard by: NYC Tourists Never Cease to Amaze Me 50-something ticket collector to high school girl: Don’t worry, I didn’t forget your change. (pause) I will never forget you. (walks away) –Metro-North Train Mother to young daughter running down the street: Get over here before I make change outta that five dollar ass! –168 & Broadway