Archive for the ‘Crazy’ Category

Nobody Knows the Trouble Wednesday One-Liners Seen

Hobo to white guy walking with three black friends: What's up, slave owner? –The Village Girl on phone: We should practice selling ourselves to each other. –Subway Sandwiches, 38th & 7th Crazy man on train: America! America! Anybody wanna buy some white people? –A Train Ditzy girl to friend: So I had this black boyfriend one time, and we had to break up because he kept talking about slavery. I was all, hello, I'm Czech, my people were slaves too. –Columbia University School of Social Work Overheard by: Eric Black toddler to mortified white nanny: Wanna play slave? –Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

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Wednesday One-Liners Get a Hoboner

Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy. –A Train Overheard by: SBroto Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches. –Shuttle to Grand Central Overheard by: alan b hutscar Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight! –4 Train Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it? –Central Park Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down! –4th & Broadway Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man) –1 Train

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Effing Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal. –Columbia University Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack. –110th & Broadway Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: NYU girl Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick! –10th & Broadway Overheard by: Helene and Alice Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up) –M4 Bus

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Maury Povich Says You’re the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on phone: His dad’s, like, crazy, and he lives in a house all by himself, and the saddest thing is… the saddest thing is this guy’s dad is even uglier than our dad! –Waverly Place b/w Mercer & Greene Woman: Don’t even think about humping your father’s feet! –President & Columbia [Before the start of the NYC pillow fight.]
Pillow-fighter: I’m gonna beat you all down like you were my daddy! [Hits people with his pillow.] Why weren’t you there, dad, why!? –Union Square Guy on cell: Hey dude, my flight has been delayed like an hour, yeah it does suck… [Pause.] Dude, from this point on I’m calling you "daddy". No: "big daddy". Yeah, hey big daddy… –US Airways Terminal, Laguardia Airport Little girl pointing at a grizzly bear: Daddy! Daddy! –Museum of Natural History

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For the Last Time Dad, Marijuana Is NOT a Vegetable

Street performer: I declare today the “Eat Vegetables and Dance Day”!
Tourist to son: See, I told you all New Yorkers are crazy and high. –South Street Seaport Headline by: AlpacaHoss Runners-Up:
· “As a Perfectly Sane Dance-Eater, I Take Exception to That Remark” – Upstanding New Yorker
· “Does She Mean the People or the Rent Payments?” – Uncle Bling
· “Now Lettuce Boogie Out Of Town” – Kevin Babbles
· “Now Let´s Go to McDonald’s, and I’d Better Not See Those Hips Shaking” – Laura
· “Now Stop Dancing and Eat This Bacon” – Jesse
· “Richard Simmons Tries to Restart His Career” – sweatin to the oldies
· “What and Break My Perfect Morbidly Obese Record?” – Nota Fatty
· “You Laugh Until You Realize That New Yorkers Get the Day Off From Work” – BabakganoosH
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

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Also What Freshman Orientation Is Like at Cornell.

Girl #1: Ugh, Brooklyn Tech is so odd. But the kids are mad cool. We're all like demented nerds. It's your typical urban Brooklyn high school, but with super-genius kids. Super-genius kids that ain't right in da head. But ya know, we kick ass.
Girl #2: Damn straight! Dem otha kids got nuthin on us.
Boy: Yo, you guys are whack! No wonder you are here.
Crowd of kids: Word! –DeKalb Ave

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