Archive for the ‘Crazy’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies. –Hallway, CCNY Overheard by: ladyliver Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on. –1250 Broadway Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed… –Smoke Shop, Park Slope Overheard by: Kiri Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy. –Good Stuff Diner, 14th St Overheard by: Kosi Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn. –Port Authority Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental. –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: Lillian

Wednesday One-Liners Go Through a Grey Period

Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art? –Broadway & Houston Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido? –NYU Silver Center Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped. –Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Seth Father to four-year-old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired. –Metropolitan Museum Lobby Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it. –Outside the Guggenheim Overheard by: Devoted Puppy Professor-type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass! –Metropolitan Museum of Art

Wednesday One-Liners: The Final Frontier

Crazy man dressed like a King: Everyone, I just bought the sun! So if you don't mind, I'd like a hundred dollars an hour if you're using my sunlight. –Sheep Meadow, Central Park MTA track worker to another: Why does everybody wanna die tonight, Eric? Is there a full moon or something? –49th St Station Overheard by: Jon A. Man talking to himself on imaginary cellphone: There will never be peace until the planet explodes. Then there will be peace. (pause) Yes, I took my medication today. –R Train Overheard by: Matt Giella Guy in line for a play: I don't take my sunglasses off because the sun never sets on a badass –41st & 7th Overheard by: clara Teen thug to another: He said he likes sunsets. Who says he likes sunsets? –Macon & Marcy, Brooklyn Overheard by: g Co-ed: And Galileo's like, "Saturn has rings!" And Kepler's like, "Oh my god, really?" And Galileo's like, "Ya, really!" –1 Train Overheard by: Rose Fox

Wednesday One-Liners Smell Like Victory

One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox? –R Train Overheard by: Ferna Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven't been home since the show. Doesn't that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself) –McCarren Park Overheard by: AleKatz Woman on cell: It smells like college! –BrewFest, South Street Seaport Office student: It literally smells like my ass. –CCNY Computer Lab Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties. –Q Train Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn't mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn't smell. It didn't smell like anything. –Union Square Overheard by: who are these people?

Wednesday Catches a Bad Case of One-Liners

Crazy man: Now, you probably don’t know this, but most of y’all have diabetes. –1 train Overheard by: bildita Tall, skinny suit to lady suit: … What’s your sick policy? I was like, ‘Stay the fuck away from me, and don’t get me sick — that’s our sick policy!’ –13th & University Overheard by: Dave D Chick: I’da killed him if it wasn’t for that damn leukemia. –9th & Smith St station Dude: Can you get carpel tunnel of the butt? –17th & 6th Girl on cell: I’m like a virus. I never go away. I go away for a little bit, and you think you’re clear, and then I come back and take over your body. –33rd & 30th, Astoria Overheard by: brigid

The Little-Known Third Option in “Bluetooth or Crazy?”

College girl #1, about old lady talking angrily behind her: Who do you think she's yelling at? Don't look, I think you should guess. Don't look!
College girl #2: No, I'm going to look. Yeah, she's not talking to anyone. No phone.
College girl #1: Oh.
(they both turn around to stare at her and continue walking)
College girl #1: Well, she's probably Italian. –27th & Park Ave Overheard by: Lynne

Like a Festering Boil on Brooklyn’s Baby-Smooth Buttock

Crazy guy: There is something wrong with Winthrop Street. Do not get off the train there! You ever notice how they never say ‘Winthrop Street’? They say Franklin, President, Sterling, then it’s Wooothup. Never trust anybody who can’t say clearly what they mean.
Disembodied train voice: This is President Street. The next stop will be Sterling Street.
Crazy guy: You see?! President! Sterling! You do not want to get off this train at Winthrop! –2 train Overheard by: Got off at President

The Wednesday One-Liner Monologues

Drunk hipster: Since when did the vagina become the font of all morality? –110th & Amsterdam Girl running in pajamas: Oh my god my vagina is so cold! –50th St & 8th Ave Overheard by: Matt Girl proclaiming: I saw the vagina. –NYU Acting student: You have a vagina and he’s all into that. I have a penis and he’s not all into that. That’s why you have to do this for me. –Archbold Theater Overheard by: nice Crazy black woman: I know my pussy! You don’t know my pussy! Haha! You can’t say you know my pussy, I know my pussy! Haha, hah! If you can’t find my pussy, you can’t say you’re not too big! –114th & Broadway Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze Nondescript guy on cell phone: So, were the vaginas ok? –55th St & 8th