Archive for the ‘Crazy’ Category

When You Wednesday Upon a One-Liner, It Makes No Difference Who You Are

Guy walking by himself: I wish everybody who is not mentally ill would just drop dead! –9th St, Park Slope Overheard by: Rear Admiral Butts Guy (admiringly, to attractive girl passing by): Damn, girl, I wish you were a guy! –14th St & 1st Ave Ditzy girl to another, about her boyfriend: He's teaching himself philosophy right now. He bought a philosophy dictionary. He can do that, you know, because he's so smart. I wish I could do that! –Astoria Overheard by: squarehand Young guy to girl: Dude, I wish Dali was still around so he could do my album. –Museum of Modern Art Overheard by: Gino Serious girl: I wish I had gotten the ovaries! –Korean Baptist Church, Astoria Overheard by: Evan

…And We've Been Together Ever Since.

20-something burnout: Would you like to know what this girl said last night, when she was tripping balls and the cops came to my house?
Friend: She thought she was in a nursing home!
20-something burnout: She was screaming all this crazy stuff. (pause) Wait, are you offended by dirty words?
Friend: Go for it.
20-something burnout: “You dick!”
Friend: Excuse me?
20-something burnout: “You fucking nigger faggot! Bitch-ass spic! I'm a fucking lesbian! You're a fucking lesbian!” –Mineola Ave, Queens

One Flew Over the Wednesday One-Liner’s Nest

Teen: I just like popcorn, cake, and Pepsi, so my mind’s going crazy and I shake a lot… –Chipotle, 33rd & 5th Crazy girl on cell: … So he tells me I’m crazy. I’m not crazy! Why does he think I’m crazy?! There is no way I’m crazy! He’s crazy for thinking that! –33rd & 6th Angry black woman: Why are they taking pictures of the crazy man? Goddamn tourists! God damn them all! –1 train station, Christopher St Overheard by: Rose Fox Tourist woman: I think the only people that speak English here are the crazy people screaming obscenities on the streets. –Mulberry & Broome Chick on cell: Then again, who am I to talk about being crazy? I have a clove of garlic in my cooch! –113th & Broadway Overheard by: McFreaky

Wednesday One-Liners Go Through a Grey Period

Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art? –Broadway & Houston Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido? –NYU Silver Center Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped. –Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Seth Father to four-year-old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired. –Metropolitan Museum Lobby Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it. –Outside the Guggenheim Overheard by: Devoted Puppy Professor-type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass! –Metropolitan Museum of Art

Wednesday One-Liners: The Final Frontier

Crazy man dressed like a King: Everyone, I just bought the sun! So if you don't mind, I'd like a hundred dollars an hour if you're using my sunlight. –Sheep Meadow, Central Park MTA track worker to another: Why does everybody wanna die tonight, Eric? Is there a full moon or something? –49th St Station Overheard by: Jon A. Man talking to himself on imaginary cellphone: There will never be peace until the planet explodes. Then there will be peace. (pause) Yes, I took my medication today. –R Train Overheard by: Matt Giella Guy in line for a play: I don't take my sunglasses off because the sun never sets on a badass –41st & 7th Overheard by: clara Teen thug to another: He said he likes sunsets. Who says he likes sunsets? –Macon & Marcy, Brooklyn Overheard by: g Co-ed: And Galileo's like, "Saturn has rings!" And Kepler's like, "Oh my god, really?" And Galileo's like, "Ya, really!" –1 Train Overheard by: Rose Fox

Wednesday One-Liners Smell Like Victory

One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox? –R Train Overheard by: Ferna Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven't been home since the show. Doesn't that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself) –McCarren Park Overheard by: AleKatz Woman on cell: It smells like college! –BrewFest, South Street Seaport Office student: It literally smells like my ass. –CCNY Computer Lab Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties. –Q Train Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn't mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn't smell. It didn't smell like anything. –Union Square Overheard by: who are these people?