Archive for the ‘Crazy’ Category

The Wednesday One-Liner Monologues

Drunk hipster: Since when did the vagina become the font of all morality? –110th & Amsterdam Girl running in pajamas: Oh my god my vagina is so cold! –50th St & 8th Ave Overheard by: Matt Girl proclaiming: I saw the vagina. –NYU Acting student: You have a vagina and he’s all into that. I have a penis and he’s not all into that. That’s why you have to do this for me. –Archbold Theater Overheard by: nice Crazy black woman: I know my pussy! You don’t know my pussy! Haha! You can’t say you know my pussy, I know my pussy! Haha, hah! If you can’t find my pussy, you can’t say you’re not too big! –114th & Broadway Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze Nondescript guy on cell phone: So, were the vaginas ok? –55th St & 8th

He Does Kinda Look Like an Enemy Combatant

Cop #1: Sir, you need to move along.
Insane hobo: I didn't touch anyone, goddammit! I didn't do nuthin! I don't touch!
Cop #2: Just get the hell outta here.
Cop #1: Please just move along.
Hobo: I didn't do nuthin, goddammit!
Cop #2 to cop #1: Can I pistol whip him? –Atlantic Avenue Station, Brooklyn Overheard by: Derek

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Need No Water, Let the Motherfucker Burn!

Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’ –CVS, 42nd & 3rd Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire! –Brooklyn-bound Q train Overheard by: Incitatus Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries. –MacDougal Street Ale House Overheard by: Ladle Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire. –Columbus Ave Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?! –Water St dorm, NYU Overheard by: michael

Are You Afraid of Wednesday One-Liners?

FDNY lieutenant to EMTs: Hey, get this! Some guy just called 911 because some guy looked scary! –34th & 10th Overheard by: guy in back of ambulance Gay guy to another: I'm terrified of successful women! –23rd & Park Ave Overheard by: Moy (guy with drums finishes a performance in the train)
Guy with drums: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. Help a brother out and donate some money if you enjoyed this performance. (lady in front of him looks scared)
Please donate and if you don't know what to do or are scared, smile and nod. Everything will be okay. –E Train Overheard by: Sleepy Crazy bag lady to high school boy: I ain't scared of you. I'll beat you with a crowbar. Cuz I gotta crowbar in my pussy and it's way up there! –B54 Bus Suit on cell: And I was scared, right? Because her legs were open in the cemetery. –Gramercy Park

Wednesday One-Liners for the Fine Young Cannibals

Hipster: Everyone I know is either married, divorced, gay or crazy. –37th St, Astoria Overheard by: Matthias Sundberg Karaoke panhandler singing Gnarls Barkley: "Does that make me craaaaazy? Maybe I'm craaaaaazy!" It's Memorial Day and I'm sitting here singing to people I never met before in my life. Mmmmmm…craaaazy! –Times Square Subway Station Black woman to janitor companion: I am so glad I live in the ghetto. These motherfuckers down here are crazy! (companion nods) And I live in the ghe-tto, 2 train ghetto. –22nd St & 5th Ave Hobo, watching man and woman having sex against a statue: I think I'm going to have to move to Europe or something. This place is getting too crazy. –Madison Square Park Overheard by: Westsider 30-something guy on cell: Well, that's what my crazy sister said about my more crazy sister. –Broadway & 114th St Overheard by: mary e. Little boy in abandoned shopping cart: I've gotta get off this crazy train! –Target, Atlantic Ave

The Gossip Girl Scene That Never Made It to Air

Teen boy #1: I don't like any of her family except her mom. She's okay.
Teen boy #2: Her mom is crazy, yo. I want to rape her with this umbrella. I bet you if I fucked her, she wouldn't even remember, she's so crazy. Wouldn't it be cool if there were a hot chick, like 21, with Alzheimer's and you fucked the shit out of her and then the next day she couldn't remember? –Q44 Bus Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie