Archive for the ‘Crazy’ Category

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liner

Lady to dog: Pee! Pee! Pee! Poo on the universe!

–E 9th St

Overheard by: Jen

Well-dressed woman to little dog: Baby, those are cars. Cars are not our friends. You must always stay away from them… Are you listening to me?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Murphy

Woman, shrieking at barking dogs: Stop being crazy!

–Central Park

Overheard by: NB

Woman to Shih Tzu: Yo! I'm walking you, you're not walking me–calm down!

–109 & Manhattan Ave

Dog walker to dog, ranting: Bailey, I am so angry with you! (dog wags tail) Don't you even look at me right now! (yanks dog's leash) I'm taking the television out of your room! No more American Idol for you! (storms across street)

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: allison

Woman to dog sniffing random things: Focus. Fo-cus. Shit.

–Melrose & Wilson

Overheard by: richhorner.com

…Resourceful.

Girl #1: When I was pregnant I was addicted to eating deodorant.
Girl #2: Damn, girl, that's just wrong!
Girl #1: It was so bad I couldn't even see my man in prison cause I couldn't go that long without some deodorant. Secret was good, but I didn't like that Dove shit. Sometimes I'd have to test that stuff out in the store. I'm all takin' a little lick, puttin' it back if I don't like it.
Girl #2: Shit girl, you're crazy.

–6 Train

Vegetarians Won't Eat Anything with a Wednesday One-Liner

(man standing on bus gets a little too close to the man sitting in front of him)
Sitting man
: Wrong person, right day. Son, do not put your genitals in my face!


–M101 Bus

(skateboarder tries to do a trick on the curb and flies face-first onto pavement)
Skateboarding friend, checking on him
: Dude! His face looks like a clitoris!


–Union Square

Overheard by: I Looked Away

Crazy man to another: What the fuck's the matter with your face, man? You look like a fuckin' Rottweiler! Shit!

–Q Train

Creepy doorman to male tourist: If you wake up in the morning with a bush in front of your face, don't ask any questions.

–30 Rock

Overheard by: MusicMagGirl

Meet the Guy Who Makes the Subway Doors Open

Crazy ranting black guy: My divinity is hot… my arrows can block the clouds. I wanna be the Imperial Leader for all time. My lizards will rule everyone. If y'all do what I say, things'll be fine.
Annoyed black lady, as he continues ranting: Whatever they gave him, it was too much. Oh my god! Why we gotta deal with this shit? Economic crisis and all, and still gotta deal with crazy people!
Crazy ranting black guy: Son, I open doors. Try to clap your heels three times and open doors like me–you can't do it! In prison, in the hood…
Annoyed black lady, now yelling: Why pick a train? Why not go to the hood like you say? Go to wherever you started that shit and deal. You need a therapist for real!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tigertail

Leave It to New Yorkers to Get to the Core Of an Issue

Barefoot hobo: World War II was the best day of my life til my big sista was born in 1812. That was them Spaniard War… (silence, then in a really loud voice) Dammit, who stole my chicken?
Nervous white woman to friend, whispering: That's what happens when you send your kids to public school… (a minute later) Did he even have chicken?

–F Train

“Luke, I Am Your Wednesday One-Liner”

Student to professor: Yeah, man, you know, because every time I slap you five, now I feel like I'm slapping your father's ass.

–Suffolk County Community College

Overheard by: Wish I was paying attention

Trashy sista' on cell: Did you know you've been nominated for an award? (pause) Yeah, I know! I mean, it's just nice to even be nominated, issa' honor. Yeah, you wanna know whacha been nominated for? You been nominated for the world's biggest deadbeat daddy!

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: I don't work here

Demi-bum to another, looking at postcards at a convenience store: Oh, I want to send a postcard to my father: Doing shitty, wish you cared!

–Fulton & Water

Teen girl to friend: Of course I got him tested!…but he wasn't the father either.

–145th & Broadway

Guard: Did you hear about that 9-year-old girl who gave birth to her own twin? I'm serious! It was inside her stomach and then she gave birth to it. And the craziest part is that the twin was from another father!

–74th & Madison

Latina girl to friend: You know, I don't even know what I saw in that loser. I should've dumped his ass the first time he tried hitting on my dad!

–58th & 6th

Overheard by: Tim J.