Archive for the ‘Creepsters’ Category

That Dead Fly on the Rim Is Almost Like a Little Umbrella

Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: I'll have a cosmopolitan.
Bartender: We don't serve cosmos here.
Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: Fine, I'll have a gin and tonic.
Bartender: We've got two types of beer. Light and dark.
(woman pauses in thought)
Bartender: Here, honey. Try the light. It's kind of like a cosmo. –McSorley's, Bowery & 7th

I Need Compassion and an Alibi

Guy #1: She was 14?!
Guy #2: Well, I didn’t know she was 14 when I slept with her.
Guy #1: Dude, how did you not know?!
Guy #2: She didn’t look 14…
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask her age?
Guy #2: I did. She lied and said she was 21.
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask for some identification?
Guy #2: Yeah man, ’cause the way to get a girl into bed is to ask her for some ID first.
Guy #1: Good point… Well, how old did you say you were?
Guy #2: 21.
Guy #1: 21?!
Guy #2: Yeah, 21.
Guy #1: Right, of course. Because 39 is clearly the new 21!
Guy #2: Don’t judge me, man… –52nd & Madison Overheard by: So <i>not</i> 14!

…for You

Creepy guy: So, how much hair do you have up there?
Fuzzy-haired chick with hair in a bun: Yeah, if I don't braid it at night, it's all…
Creepy guy: Ho, I like it. I want to crawl in and make a nest there.
Fuzzy-haired chick: Yeah, that would be cool. –The Strand Overheard by: stephie

What's a Nice Wednesday One-Liner Like You Doing in a Place Like This?

Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips! –8th Ave & W 4th Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then? –42nd & Broadway Overheard by: Galina Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more? –Borders, Kips Bay Overheard by: Emily Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking) –Lexington & 50th Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss… Not to seem rude, but to be honest…for a white girl, you got a nice butt. –5th Ave Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club…never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen. –A Train